Friday, July 10, 2009

A Bride…Again

When I first started making plans for this wedding…WAY before there was an engagement ring or anything, I noticed that I really worried what other people would think. Not so much the type of thing like “I can’t believe she picked the color eggplant!” but more along the lines of “I can’t believe SHE’S having an actual wedding…again!”

I really struggled with this topic of conversation, and spent countless hours stressing myself out about it. And let me be clear here, I was really the ONLY person worried about it. Mr. CC is so calm, cool and collected about things – his take on it was that if we wanted a wedding and were willing to pay for it, then who cares what everyone else thinks. Oh, to be so free. To be so open and uncaring. Most of the time, I can admit to being that carefree about things, but this is one thing that I was unsure of.

It took several months of planning, dreaming and talking about what we would do, how we would do things, and what was important to us for me to become comfortable with the idea of a big wedding. (Not that 150 guests is all THAT big, but it’s nothing to scoff at!) Maybe it’s just easier for guys than for girls…they’re tough and hardy and girls are supposed to be sensitive and caring. I didn’t want people to look down on me or us for planning a wedding when it was not our first wedding.

I’m proud to say that in the end, after several agonizing weeks and LOTS of conversations with the Mister, I came to terms with it. This is what I want. This is what we want. I don’t really care if you (stranger) think that it’s presumptuous of me to have a wedding when it isn’t my first. That’s more your own problem, than mine to deal with. I have enough on my plate…DIY projects, meeting my budget, not going crazy doing this while working full-time.

As I started reading wedding blogs and searching for ideas and inspiration (every bride’s favorite pastime activity) I realized that there truly is a shortage of brides out there coming right out in the open about second or third or fourth marriages and actual weddings. Yes, people re-marry. But many people (it seems) don’t talk openly about it. It’s somewhat taboo. I applaud sites like that actually dedicates a section of their boards to what they term “encore brides.” This encourages me that there are others out there like me. And weddingbee also features a bride (or two I found out today!) that IS an actual encore bride who spotlights her second time around. This gives me hope that I’m not totally against the grain here.

But when it comes down to it, who cares if I am totally against the grain? I don’t. Like I said earlier, this is what I want, this is what Mr. CC wants, and we’re SO excited to be planning our wedding. Who cares if we’ve been down this road before? We don’t. Luckily for us, things are different this time around or else we wouldn’t be where we are. And maybe having this unique perspective on things allows us to focus on what we know is really important this time around. Yes, I want a gorgeous wedding…but without the love that we share beneath it all, it’s just a big party.

With all of that being said, there are still moments that I look up and wonder what the H*%K I’m thinking. Like when my dad called to talk one night and I mentioned something about him walking me down the aisle. He didn’t mean anything by his response…but he literally said “Again?!?” Yes, Dad. Again. Please. It would mean a great deal to me. Even though I’ve made my peace with my decision, there are still moments that I question it all. Luckily for me, I’ve got a GREAT groom who picks up my spirits, turns my frown upside-down and makes me remember why all of this is SO important to me.

Are there other “encore brides” out there who struggle with these issues too? Are you doing something like writing about your experience on a blog? Comment below if you are, I’d LOVE to chat! And I would LOVE to follow another brides’ blog about her wedding experience.


  1. I am planning one (well on hold for right now) but I'm doing it my way and frankly I don't really care what our "peeps" have to say. My mother is very traditional and couldn't care less about my re-marriage but hey, I'm older, wiser in love and planning this celebration my way! Stop by some time!

  2. @Encore Bride - I just found your blog last week...LOVE it! I'm thrilled for you (and myself) that we're both older and wiser and not really caring what anyone else thinks except for ourselves. I signed up to follow you too...and we'll both keep you and yours in our thoughts - my groom is a Marine. Wounded vet from the first deployment after 9/11...our prayers are with you!