Friday, July 24, 2009

A Love Story...

There once was a girl that fell in love with this paper. She loved it so, dreamt about the beautiful wedding invitations that this paper would help her make. You see, she had found the perfect man for her to love for the rest of her life, and needed the perfect wedding invitations to let their family and friends know of this happiness that they shared. Luckily for her, she found a nice man selling the paper here, and it arrived without delay.

For months and months she dreamt of invitations while she slept, and made “mock” invitations while bored at work or on the weekends when she had cleaning that she should have been doing. Low and behold, after all of her hard work, she found a design that she loved and her bridegroom loved it too. (not that he had an opinion either way, but he knew that there was a dragon side to his lady love, and it was easiest to agree on THOSE days...)

The time drew nearer to the day that they would pledge their vows before family and friends, and it was time to take the design in her head and put it onto the beautiful paper that she loved so much. Luckily for her, she bewitched her computer and the design transferred from her head to the computer with ease, and she was ready to print them out.

Now, in this enchanted land, there were two printer beasts available for the bride to use – one upstairs that was his and one downstairs that was hers. Since our lovely lady is tired after working all day, she chooses not to carry her computer upstairs to the larger printer, but opts to print on her own printer first. Lovingly, she loads a piece of the paper into her printer and crosses her fingers and waits to see the final product. But wait, what’s this? A paper jam? Hmmm...

Our fair maiden travels far up the stairs with her heavy load to try out the other printer that is available for use. But the fates are now working against her, and it seems that this printer beast is out of ink. Never fear, the powers that be blessed her with a 24-hour store called Wal-Mart that sells this ink that she needs and she braves the torrential downpour that overtook the land for about 20 minutes to purchase this ink. Once back at the house, she installs the ink cartridge and once again lovingly loads the paper into the tray and hopes for the best. But alas, it was not meant to be...this printer will also not accept her paper.

Printer Beasts-1...Fair Maiden-0

You see, the paper that she had fallen in love with was a cover weight. And both of the printers in her fairy castle were front-load printers and she thought that perhaps the paper was just too thick to make those tight turns that it would need to make in her printer. Never fear, though, our lady is smart and quick on her feet, thinking of the printer beast that sits in her home-away-from-home, otherwise known as her Office. It loads paper from the back and therefore doesn’t need to make tight turns and such. The paper should run through this printer fine. So she packs up her bags and takes a few pages with her to her Office, once again certain that things will work out...

The very next morning, she tries her luck first thing before she even starts to work. This time when she loads the paper she crosses her fingers and says a quick prayer to the printer gods, hoping for the best. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. This printer did work better, but it still struggled with the paper size and weight. It didn’t exactly jam in the printer beast, but it didn’t print either...

Printer Beasts-2...Fair Maiden-0

Enter a fairy godmother. This fairy godmother was knowledgeable in all things computer related, having worked for many years for a computer genius, Michael Dell. She was more than happy to offer suggestions and give the lady some schooling on printer settings that could be found on the hidden window behind the print screen on the lady’s computer. Overjoyed and hopeful, she put her task aside until the end of the day, for she had a large project to work on that day. At the end of the day, she hesitantly loaded her somewhat cursed paper into the machine again and followed the steps that the fairy godmother had shown her previously. Imagine her great surprise, when it works! Yea! Oh, but what’s that at the bottom? Drag marks and scuffed paper?!?! Oh no, that will NOT work...

Printer Beasts-3...Fair Maiden-0

But the lady does NOT loose hope, even in these trying times. For now she knows the secret passageway that MIGHT unlock the door to the printer problems at her own castle. Still hopeful, she rushes home to try out her secrets...Imagine her surprise when it works! Yes, she has to play with it a little bit and try different paper settings to find the one that will print correctly, but she pushes on and endures the trials and tribulations and emerges from the test triumphant! It will print her test page beautifully!

Printer Beasts-3...Fair Maiden-1

She sleeps that night content with the knowledge that she just has to bring her magic computer home the next night to print the actual documents out. She sleeps hard and deep, as all of this has truly worn her out!

The next night, she arrives back home to her castle and immediately goes to the printer beast to best it in this competition. The lady opens up her files, loads a piece of the treasured paper and selects the appropriate settings on the hidden window and hits “Print.” She does a little dance of joy as she sees the top of the page coming out of the printer so beautifully. She is overjoyed and goes to collect her embossing powder (since the ink is still wet) to see about embossing a portion of the gorgeous invitation suite.

As she completes her last turn in her happy dance, she notices that the printer beast has finished. She picks up the paper and her face crumbles in tears. This is what she sees...

Yes, the printer beast has foiled her plans again. For some reason, the last inch of the paper does NOT want to print. Thinking that there was some error on just that page; our lady loads another sheet of her precious paper and tries again. The results aren’t as badly smudged as the first one, but still there is smudging...

Printer Beasts-4...Fair Maiden-1

Half-heartedly, she tries the printer beast in her downstairs castle to no avail. It still will not even load the paper, much less print on it.

The lady begans to rant and rave, cursing the printer gods all the while tearing her clothes in the agony of defeat. (OK, so maybe I didn’t actually do that, maybe I’m getting caught up in the fairy tale!) Still, there was an air of defeat about the castle.

What is our fair lady to do? Call a printing service? See if they can help her? But alas, on her meager budget will this be something that she can afford? Will she have to nix her beautiful invitation plans and re-design, heaven forbid?

Stay tuned to see what happens in the next battle with the printer beast...for although the score does NOT show in her favor, she is not beaten yet!

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