Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It'll Get Better - My New Mantra

I’m not really feeling very creative today. Maybe it’s because my ENTIRE body hurts…

Haha…that’s what some of you out there are thinking…

Haha right back at you.

Yeah, I’ve been pretty much hating life for about a week now. Yep, for those of you intellectuals out there, that’s exactly how long I’ve been working out now. Good job! You get a GOLD star for the day.

My legs hurt. My abs hurt. My arms hurt. There was even a day in there where my toes hurt. But mostly, my BACK hurts. I did something to it during chest & back…or yoga…or plyometrics…you can really just toss out a dart and see what it hits because it could have been ANY of these workouts that hurt my back. And like the little trooper that I’m trying to be, I’m working through the pain. Or that’s what I’ve been trying to do. But last night, as Mr. CC dutifully tried to rub the soreness out of my right-side mid-to-lower back and I bit the pillow to keep from crying in pain…I started to re-think my position here.

I thought that I was doing the right thing. Work through the pain. Work to my limit, but not over it. Being very careful not to push too hard because I don’t want to tear anything. And everyday I keep telling myself that it’s getting better. But at night when I lay down to go to sleep, I have to be honest with myself (Because if you lie to yourself when you’re talking to yourself, well that just makes you one giant step closer to insane). I’ve been sleeping on a heating pad for a portion of the night ever since Friday…taking long soaks in the tub (ouch – twist my arm here!)…trying not to sleep on that side of my body…pretty much just doing everything that I can think of to help this get better…and it’s not. I’ve even taken some narcotics – but that masks the pain, doesn’t really improve it. Even if I do appreciate the illusion of being pain free, it’s not a permanent solution.

The good news is that Mr. CC has officially ruled it as just a “knot” that seems to take up the ENTIRE right side of my mid-to-lower back. Oh, ok. It’s just a knot. No big deal…


And the tears are still streaming down my face as he rubs on it…just a little “knot.”

“It’ll get better” seem to be my famous last words. Maybe someday someone who cares will etch them on my tombstone…

Ok- that’s a little dramatic, I know. But it’s the only way that I can convey through a blog how MUCH my back hurts! The good news is that tonight is our measuring night. We’ll weigh in and measure it all up and see what kind of progress our suffering has gained us. Hopefully it’s enough to make us keep working hard on things…I would hate to see no improvement at all, even if realistically I know to expect that for the first week or two.

I'm sitting here crossing my fingers, and I know that I have a good team of support from all of you out there cheering me on. It just seems all that much scarier to me now that other people know what I'm working on and towards. I liked the whole accountability idea in the beginning, but now it's making me more nervous than normal.

Has anyone else experienced that? Shared something and then worried about how it will feel if you don't "measure" up? Or did it help motivate you more when you share it all?

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