How do you correct what you don’t know how to fix?

This is a question that I’ve been asking myself lately. You see, there are times when couples argue. There are times when couples fight. There are always times when two people who are their own individuals don’t get along. This is to be expected, and should be not great shock when it happens.

What is shocking is when it continues to happen over and over….only not with the same two people. What if it kept happening with whoever you were with? What if eventually each partner that you’ve spent a decent amount of time in a relationship with complains about the same thing?

Sure, when you first break-up you can blame it on the other person. You might even be able to rationalize those actions when the second partner that makes the same argument. But after the third one? Who’s kidding herself now? I guess that would be me, party of one.

I think what is so hard for me to wrap my head around is the fact that I spent about a year in therapy after the end of my last marriage. There were many reasons for this. My ex had done a good number on me (verbally/mentally/emotionally) and there were some definite scars and wounds that needed healing. And I needed the help of a professional to get those healed. Another reason that I went the route of therapy was due to my own wish that I not repeat my past mistakes. A mistake is often a learning experience…you make the mistake, you live with the consequences, all the while hoping that you’ve learned your lesson so that the next time that you get the same opportunity you make better choices and don’t get back to the same place where you were.

Do you know what I mean?

So how is it that after nearly two years of blissful happiness, I’m faced once again with the same argument that others have given me? I did my time, I struggled through the hard therapy. I took the truthful look inside myself, accepted my faults for what they were and vowed to work on them. I did the labor, dealt with the grief, and moved on. I made myself a better person. A more loving person, someone that someone else would want to be with…

And yet now, right at this moment, I feel like I’m right back where I started from…I feel like all the work got washed away and forgotten, as if it was on a chalkboard and the janitor came by one day when I wasn’t looking and cleaned the slate. In some cases this would be a good thing. But in my case, I don’t really feel that way. I feel that the sneaky janitor didn’t wash it all off and give me a clean slate to start with…I feel like he washed off all of my hard work and notes that I took to help me not make those same mistakes again…which leaves me bare and empty-handed.

Damn that janitor!!! What did I do to him to make this happen?

Is it all just stress? Is it all just in my head? Am I making myself crazy with all of this wedding business? Is it work-related and once things calm down with my projects at work and I get on firm footing again with my job some of this will magically disappear? Am I just taking on too much at a time? I mean, in one month, I wrapped a big project at work, I moved out of my apartment and in with my fiancé, I started focusing on a new project at work, and started planning a wedding with almost no help or support from those that I care about the most? Is it just emotional trauma? Am I letting the problems that others might have with my situation get the best of me and kill my mood and confidence in myself and my sense of purpose?

Where did I take the wrong turn? Does anyone else ever lose their footing every once in a while? Does this mean that I have to start all over (to some degree) or did I just lose the path today? Maybe tomorrow will be a better day…

Am I Obsessed with Colors???

This is a question that I’ve recently been asking myself…which is shortly followed by an even bigger question…is this NORMAL for most brides? I’ve never been one to follow the strict code of what is most popular, but in this case I’d like to think that my temporary insanity is perfectly normal, and an affliction that hits most brides at the start of the planning process.

I mean, like I’ve stated in an earlier blog, the main problem is that I like too many colors. I like brown, I like black, I LOVE purple and pink, I think that green is pretty, but could also go with a deep navy color. Not to mention those nice fall colors that make such beautiful centerpieces that I’ve been seeing EVERYWHERE!

And that’s the real problem…once you start obsessing over these kinds of things, it just grows exponentially on you so that everywhere you go, everything you see reminds you of something that you saw somewhere in some bridal magazine that you probably paid too much for to just rip pages out of it anyway! ARRGGGHHHH!

Ok. I can do this. I can take nice, deep breaths that will calm me and settle my nerves. Breathe in. Breathe out. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

You see, last week I didn’t have all of this tension. I had decided upon my color scheme for the wedding, and I had even talked Mr. CC into a color that I was certain he’d have problems with. Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly since I know that he just wants me to be happy with it all, that was a very easy decision for him to come to terms with. But then, over the weekend, I talked to some new people about the wedding and one of them didn’t like my color selection at all. And she was SO against it, that I started to doubt and rethink my whole vision.

It’s not that she’s against my choice, it’s just not what she would do. And that’s something that I need to learn to deal better with. It’s not a personal thing if you don’t like my color selection, you might simply not like the color purple (like in this case). That doesn’t mean that I need to question what I want, right? But you know, she had some good arguments for some other colors…and that brought up decisions that I had long since made, so that I’m rethinking those initial decisions too…what a mess!

I’m just a mess. There’s no way around it. And poor Mr. CC…he literally does NOT know what to do with me, or what the big deal is. He doesn’t get that I can’t move forward in my planning (or my envisioning) until this VERY important decision is made…and stuck with. I know that he’s wondering if he got engaged to a total wacky lady – he knows that I didn’t used to be this color obsessed…even if I have always been slightly wishy-washy…

I’ve made a deal with myself. I WILL make this decision soon. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But soon. Like within the week….or two…

Another Big Check off the To-Do List...

As you know, I’ve been busy! And I say that with a capital B!

It took us almost a week from the time that we viewed Texas Old Town to actually book the date what with all the complications that we ran into unexpectedly, but we’ve got it done now. I went out of town for two days last week on a business trip, but still managed to get the contract signed and faxed in to Danny German, manager of TOT, and secured the deposit funds for him. It was crazy to do that from West Texas, in between various meetings and question/answer sessions, but I did it.

Next up, I started finalizing the other vendors for the wedding. First up was our photographer. I had come across this fabulously talented photographer during an internet search one evening several months ago. To be perfectly honest, I don’t remember if I found her website through TheKnot.com or just on a general search for photographer…but find her I did! Her name is Christina Carroll, and I was blown away by some of the pics on her website. She seemed to have the laid-back, creative vibe that I was looking for in a wedding photographer, and I was quick to contact her with some questions.

You see, I don’t just want the standard canned shots on my wedding day. I want more. I want a unique perspective given to those shots, nothing too out there, but just more than the posed family portraits. I mean, I want those too…but I want some softer, romantic shots for us. You know what I mean? And when I ran through the gallery offered on her website, I was hooked – truly in love with her work and level of talent.

Being that it was early October when I found her shots, I stumbled upon the quite brilliant idea to set something up with her to do a photo session with my daughter and I for some family Christmas presents. I thought that this would be a great way for me to meet her, interact with her, see if I liked her and her work, and pretty much just make sure that my gut instinct that was telling me to book her for the wedding was right on. And you can always tell more about a person from the way that they interact with kids, right? Right.

She was more than happy to set something up with me and work around MY crazy work schedule, and we finally settled on a date at the end of October for the pictures. She had great suggestions for where to meet (I wanted outdoors) that met our needs and gave me some helpful wardrobe tips too. She was on time and professional, and my daughter and I truly enjoyed the afternoon that we spent with her.

I have to admit that when I booked the session, I was a little concerned. it was a nice chunk of change for me to pay, but would be more than worth it if she was half as good as the pics on her website told me that she was. And I have to admit, I owe her money! That’s what a FANTASTIC job that she did. (Not that I really owe her money, I just mean that I should have paid more for what I got back.)

She gave us three or four hours for the shoot, two different locations, and we did three different wardrobe changes. My daughter and I honestly felt like models. We were a little camera shy at first, but Christina made us feel relaxed and welcome, and before long my daughter was being the ham that she normally is when there is a camera around. Christina was great with her, and there were SO many shots that she captured that just define my daughter in the picture. Do you know what I mean? It’s hard to capture someone’s personality with a photo camera, but somehow Christina did it time and time again by catching looks that my daughter does that define her and who she is.

I truly adore the pictures that she did, and my family LOVED them to say the least when Christmas gifts were opened. Not only did she truly capture some great shots of me and my daughter, but she gave me so much for the money that was paid. On top of the time and patience that she gave working with us, Christina provided me with three disks that housed ALL of the pictures that she took that day. I have all rights to those pictures, so printing them was a snap. It was SO easy to work with her, and if there is anyone (not just brides) looking for a photographer in or around the Austin area, I would HIGHLY recommend Christina Carroll Photography. (I put a link to her website there – you can view her photos or visit her blog that show sneak peaks of recent shoots that she’s done…)

I had last spoken with Christina about the wedding early in December right after the engagement. I had asked about her availability in October/November and she was pretty open at that time, but warned me that after the wedding show in January held locally in Austin, she was expecting to get booked. Never dreaming that it would take us nearly two months to select the venue and actual date, I was sweating a little bit about whether she would be able to still do the photos of the big day.

So you can imagine my happiness and joy that I felt when I emailed her about the date and got her reply back that she was still free! (I was so happy that I started yelling YEA! in the car while my boss and I were travelling between Odessa and El Paso...I have to say that I nearly scared him to death!) But all's well that ends well, right? We didn't run off the road, and Christina now has me penciled in our her calendar to do our photos.

Wedding/Reception Venue...CHECK!
Photographer...CHECK!

Two big items off of my to-do list....I feel like I'm making a little bit of progress!

Making a tough call...

So we did what any self-respecting couple would do. We took a day or so to weigh our options. We talked through all of the scenarios that I had envisioned as a couple, and made our decisions once we had all of the information at hand that we needed in order to make that decision.

This, of course was done AFTER I had consulted two of my closest friends for their advice first…don’t hate me honey! A girl has to talk things through with another girl (or two) before she comes to you…that helps eliminate options. Because even though it was presented to you with just four options of what to do, there were actually 7 or 8 things that could have happened. I just did the hard work of eliminating the REALLY far out ones first!

So what that being said, Mr. CC really shocked me with the option that he chose.

Mr. CC and I agreed to simply change the reception hall that we had selected and stay with TOT and our original date of October 24th. I was really worried about us selecting this option for several reasons. The main thing that worried me was that this wedding isn’t just about me, it’s OUR wedding, and Mr. CC’s initial reaction upon walking into Redbud Hall just kept standing out in my head, the immediate “No, this won’t work” kinda leaves a lasting impression on a girl. I know that a lot of grooms out there aren’t concerned with the details, but as long as Mr. CC is showing interest in the details, then I want to include him as much as possible and this is a big part of the overall wedding/reception.

But when we sat down and talked it through, Mr. CC was quick to assure me that his initial reaction was based on the size of the hall alone. He thought that it was too small, and this could be for several reasons.

One – he’s right, it IS the smallest hall that TOT has to offer. With a max guest count of 160 (with a dance floor), Mr. CC is worried that we won’t be able to invite all the people that we want to have there and still have room to breathe.

Two – it didn’t show well. The hall still had tables and chairs set up from the last party that had been held there, which took up some the viewing room. I know, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, there will be tables and chairs out in the room during our wedding/reception. You’re right. But when you’re just viewing a venue and both of the other halls have tables and chairs out of sight or pushed back along the wall, it makes a difference in the overall impression.

Now that I knew what the worry was, I could set about seeing if it was justified, which meant going back to the rough guest list that I had put together several months ago. This was something that I had not previously gone over with Mr. CC, so it was a good exercise to sit down and do. I made a database with all the names and contact information that I had of everyone that I thought that we would invite to the wedding. Along with this information, I put in a head count of both adults and children, and then totaled it all up neat and tidy at the bottom. I then applied what I’m hearing is a good rule of thumb for invites, 75% acceptance rate, and got a good guesstimate at the attendance for our wedding/reception.

Mr. CC’s biggest worry was that we would have to leave some people uninvited. But as it stands today, our guest list it right at 160 people (children included) and if only 75% are able to come to the shindig, then that puts us at around 120 on the big day. Which is more than enough room for Redbud Hall.

With that worry relieved from his mind, Mr. CC was MORE than happy to go ahead and go with Redbud Hall. We know that there will be some additions to our guest list as we remember people (family) that we’ve “accidentally” left off…and that’s ok. Heck, if everyone shows up, then I’ll rent some extra tables and open the doors wide and throw all the kiddos outside….as it stands today, there are 39 of them on the guest list…and let’s be honest – they’d have more fun outside anyway!

Which Option to Choose to Still Get What WE Want?

After the shock wore off, and we were able to think clearly – meaning past the emotional disappointment of not having things work out the way you had it all planned – we looked at the situation from a step removed.

It was important for us to acknowledge that things weren’t going to be what we wanted originally, unless something changed. I mean, let’s be honest. When things don’t work out and you fall back to Plan B, something has to give. So, we quit dwelling on what wouldn’t work and started looking at what would work. What could we change in our plans to still get us the wedding that we wanted?

From my perspective, there were several options open to us:
1. Change the Venue – maybe do some research into another facility - one of our runners up. Maybe they would have some availability still in October that TOT didn’t have.
2. Change the Day – not just picking a different date, but look into doing a Friday or Sunday wedding. That opened up the calendar back at the Tejas Hall at TOT.
3. Change the Date COMPLETELY – go with an all new time frame period. Look at getting married around holidays to make the Friday/Sunday option work for us, in a different season all together so that the weddings don’t collide.
4. Change the Hall at TOT – the smaller hall, Redbud Hall, had every Saturday in October open for rental, but Mr. CC didn’t like this hall as much as the Tejas Hall.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t really excited about option #1. I didn’t want to choose another venue, I LIKED TOT. And the difficulties of being about 9 months out from the proposed wedding date at other popular choices in the Austin area would present with the same problem – they would already be booked. Which meant that I would have to go off of the beaten path a little bit to find somewhere else that WAS still available, and to be perfectly honest, I had spent countless hours doing this research months earlier and didn’t jump at the thought of starting over on it all.

Option #2 didn’t appeal to me either. I liked the fact that the wedding could cost less, since the rental rates for Fridays/Sundays are generally cheaper, and the practical side of my nature really liked that! But it presented a logistical problem for me specifically. My family and most of my friends that will be invited all live out of town. And not just like an hour or two away, they’re all at least 3 ½ hours away, some closer to 4 ½ hours away from the greater Austin area. Mr. CC’s family all live within the metro area of Austin for the most part, and only a few friends would make making the trek in from out of state, so it didn’t matter to them what day of the week we picked since for them it would mean several days off of work anyway. But for me, asking my family and friends to take not just one day off of work, but not TWO days off of work was just more than I could imagine. I know that they would probably be here no matter what day I chose, but I’d like to make the decision to attend as easy as possible for them – which means sticking to a Saturday.

I actually liked option #3. I decided that the Sunday before Memorial Day would be a fabulous time to do a wedding. It would be on a Sunday (cheaper rates) and the next day was a holiday for most people, so no worries about missing work for my traveling family and friends. The down sides to us picking that time were plenty, though. It was REALLY soon, for one thing, and my work schedule is jammed packed up through the end of April. (One small dilemma.) The end of May in Texas is just hot and sticky and can be completely uncomfortable. Mr. CC wasn’t thrilled about a tux/suit in the heat of May, and this was I think the driving force behind his dislike of my winner of an idea…

That really leaves us with only option #4. I didn’t want to be the one to suggest this to Mr. CC, though. I had already dealt with things not going the way that I had planned in my head, and didn’t want Mr. CC to have to do a similar thing. He really LOVED Tejas Hall, so me asking him to go to the smaller Hall which he walked into and immediately said NO, was just more than I could ask of a fiancé. This wedding isn’t just about me and what I want, but about us and what WE envision for the ceremony that marks the start of our life together. So I couldn’t ask that of him.

I did come up with one other solution, but the planning involved in it would have been SO tricky and convoluted that we didn’t consider it long. I considered booking the weekend before their wedding (Nov 7th) at the Tejas Hall that Mr. CC loved so much and then making our honeymoon be somewhere on the West Coast. That way, on our way “home” we could make a stop in Southern California for our friends wedding. Seems like a good solution right? Right. Until you consider the logistics behind all of that, and not knowing yet when they need the best man there, and if they would be able to attend an out-of-town wedding the week before their wedding. Not to mention that would mean that not only was our wedding planned around their wedding, but that would extend into our honeymoon time as well, and it might be cut short due to obligations for Mr. CC’s friends’ wedding. So that option was quickly ruled out as well.

I mean, really, what’s a girl to do? Were there other options out there that I might have overlooked in my haste to get something decided before those dates were booked too?

It's HARD to pick a date!

Don’t you just hate endings that are anticlimactic? I do. You sit there patiently through the entire two and a half hours of an action packed movie, and then the ending stinks. It just wraps up neat and tidy, or worse, doesn’t wrap up at all! (At least with that option, there’s a chance at a sequel if you liked the first one.)

That’s kinda how the drama to us picking out our favorite reception hall played out when we went to sign the contract and select our date. All this hype and excitement builds up, and drama and emotions get involved and then…POOF! It’s over. Done.

So here’s how it all happened. You remember where we left off, right? Tejas Hall was our favorite choice of the three reception halls that Texas Old Town had to chose from. Now it’s time to sign the contract and pick a date. Back when we first got engaged, I had traded several emails with the manager of TOT and found that October 24th and 31st were the only Saturdays available in October, but that November was completely open for booking a Saturday wedding at any of the halls. Great news, right? Right.

But fast forward to last week. Now it’s been almost two months. Do you think that those dates are still open? Nope. They’re not. (Well, that’s not entirely true. Halloween is still an option, but I just can’t wrap my head around getting married on Halloween, so that’s out. FH agrees.) But all Saturdays in November are open for Tejas Hall. So we start looking at November. I’m a little concerned about the weather in November for an outdoor wedding. Yes, there have been times in years past that I’ve still been on the lake in early November, enjoying balmy Texas weather, but that’s just the thing about Texas weather. It’s SO unpredictable.

So I’m going back and forth between early November and late November, when all of a sudden a thought hits me. Mr. CC’s best man got engaged over the Christmas holidays, and they were talking about an October wedding. So I check with Mr. CC to see if he heard if they had picked a date yet, just so we didn’t pick the same date, as Mr. CC would be returning the best man honors for his friend’s wedding. While Mr. CC leaves his friend a voice mail with the question, we tentatively settle on November 14th.

I’m ok with that date. It doesn’t jump right out and grab me or anything, but it’s an ok date. I’m weird, I know.

But all hell breaks loose the next day when our friend returns Mr. CC’s call. Turns out that they wanted to get married in this one particular place in California that has deep meaning to them as a couple and him as an individual. With that being the case, had to work around their venue’s schedule. And the only date that the Missions had open was….yep, you guessed it – November 14th!

We were SO bummed. I can’t even begin to explain to you what this did to our mood. Totally killed it. I mean, picking the 14th of the month to get married really blows the whole month for you. Now we can’t pick the week before (Nov 7th) since we’d still be on our honeymoon, it can’t be the same weekend (one is in Texas and on is in California), and we can’t choose the weekend after (Nov 21st) since they’ll still be on their honeymoon. You can see the difficulties that we were dealing with, right?

You think that it’s not that big of a deal, you just move your date. But when you get your heart set on something, a vision of how it’s going to be, and then things just don’t fall into place to make that happen, it requires a shift of perception. I had already dealt with this a little bit, if you remember from an earlier post in dealing with family members, but this is a new thing for Mr. CC. And let me assure you, he was just as upset about it all as I was. Not mad, upset. Just disappointed. Happy for his friends, because they got something that they really wanted and he understood what it meant to them to get married at the Missions, but disappointed that them getting what they wanted means that we have to shift our wedding perception a little bit to accommodate.

Three Halls....Three Choices...Our Favorite...

Texas Old Town has three reception halls, each with their own ceremony site provided as part of the rental. They are, Redbud Hall – seating a max of 160 people, Tejas Hall – seating a max of 550 people, and Sage Hall – seating a max of 320 people. And the prices vary based on the number of people and the hall chosen. Tejas and Redbud Hall both rent for the same amount and seat different numbers of people. Sage Hall, which seats fewer people than the Tejas Hall, rents for a higher rate.

This was all VERY confusing before seeing things in person. Now, after touring the place with Mr. CC and Danny German, it all makes perfect sense. So I’ll do a breakdown of the halls, their high points and their low points in my mind and then FINALLY put you out of your misery and tell you which hall we liked the best!

Tejas Hall
This is the original structure on the ranch, and is the older building found. It was designed and mostly built by hand by the founder of Texas Old Town several decades ago. It is a large hall that seats up to 550 people without a dance floor, it has a stage, kitchen area, food service area, bar, and bridal and groom dressing rooms located on the upstairs level. In keeping with the true Old Texas feel of the place, the restrooms are located outdoors, but real plumbing is installed, with a private bathroom in each dressing room for the wedding party. The hall has a “barn-like” feel to it, with gorgeous rafters and wooden beams supporting the entire structure. The area is open, in that it’s all one big room, but there are support beams throughout that somewhat divide the room. All tables and chairs are wooden and the tables themselves were crafted by the owner, so they are all originals. They vary in size and style, from picnic style with attached benches to 4 and 6 person tables. Everywhere you look is wood, wood floors, ceilings, walls, tables, chairs and roof. It is warm and inviting, and the beams that interrupt the flow slightly naturally mark off the best area for the dance floor. The ceremony site for Tejas Hall is located at the back of the hall, a short walk along a slightly wooded path. The ceremony site is cleared out, and the trees are not as full back there to provide full privacy, but the backdrops for the site more than make up for it, as the rolling hills come into view.

Redbud Hall
This was the second structure built for the property. It was originally a covered patio, that was eventually enclosed and furnished. It follows the same basic layout of the other hall, with an entirely open floorplan, which makes it warm and inviting. There are more windows to this area, giving the entire building an overall cottage feel to it. The kitchen area and food service area and bar are all located at one end of the building. There is a stage area, and the restrooms for this hall are located inside the hall. This hall only seats a maximum of 160 people while still leaving room for a dance floor, which makes the overall feel of this hall a bit more intimate than the larger Tejas Hall. This builidng also comes with dressing rooms, but they are located in the adjacent building that also houses the offices for TOT. The hall is also wood everywhere, which gives it a rustic charm and since it is smaller, it seems to have a cozier feel to it, like I mentioned earlier. Here the tables are round tables, standard for most venues, with wooden chairs to accompany. The private ceremony site for this hall is located just across the drive from the hall and is heavily wooded. As you walk into the clearing, you do get a sense of being off in your own private world, which is just what every bride would want for her wedding day.

Sage Hall
This is the most recent structure added to TOT. When Danny told me that it was designed specifically for weddings, I didn’t truly understand what he meant until I saw the hall myself. This building has been added within the last two years or so, and was built after TOT got involved with the wedding business, and was designed just so. The hall seats up to 320 people with a dance floor. Just like the other facilities, there is a kitchen, serving area, bar area, restrooms and dressing rooms for the bridal party. Unlike the other facilities, all of this is located in one building. The dressing rooms sit above the bathrooms and kitchen area, on the opposite end of the building from the stage and dance floor area. Like Redbud Hall, the tables here are round standard tables, with wooden chairs. The building lacks some of the warmth and character of the Tejas Hall, but makes up for it with a more refined sense of rustic elegance. For Sage Hall, the ceremony area is located right next to the building, and features a brook running through the area, complete with a bridge for the wedding party to cross to get to the ceremony site. A wooden arbor completes the backdrop, and a fence along the back provides privacy and a serene feel to the ceremony site. I can easily see why brides book this hall in a snap!

Each hall also comes with its own parking area and attendant to be the “gatekeeper” between halls. There was some concern with the Tejas Hall and Redbud Hall being located so close together, but with the outdoor stage area separating the two areas, and the ceremony sites for each hall being so far away from each other, I think that the concern of not having your “own” site falls out of concern very quickly.

So knowing all of that….Mr. CC fell in LOVE and I do mean capital L, capital O, capital V, capital E with the…..TEJAS HALL!! The character and charm and overall vibe to the hall meets and exceeds our own expectations for our wedding to a T! With that being said, there are some challenges that I can foresee working with this hall, but for the most part they can all be easily worked around or overcome with a little creativity from the bride and groom.

I’m SO excited to have a venue that I cannot contain myself, and I’m really relieved that Mr. CC likes the place so much too. It means a lot to me that he’s so involved in the whole process….just one of the reasons that I’m so lucky!