A Tense Situation...

So I posted yesterday about the importance of having our children involved in our wedding. We’re not a typical couple and this isn’t a typical wedding…we’re going against the grain on the whole “big wedding” idea for an encore wedding and we’re ok with that fact. At the same time, one thing that I don’t think is against the grain is involving your children in your wedding, if you have them.

Mr. CC and I each have a child from a previous relationship. They are the most important part of our lives, coming before each of us. That might sounds weird to those of you that don’t have children, but for those of you that are reading this that do have kids from a previous relationship, I think that you can understand where we stand on this. From the very beginning of our relationship, it was important to me for Mr. CC to understand that although he was important to me and I was beginning to care for him in a big way, little CC was, is and will ALWAYS be the MOST important part of my life. And when things got more serious between the two of us, and like turned into love, it was something that I really needed for him to understand. That although I loved him more and more with each passing day, and that he was vitally important to me, my feelings for little CC and my love for her were still more important than he was. For some men, this would probably be a pretty hard concept to swallow.

Not for Mr. CC. Mainly because he agreed with me 120% and felt the same way towards his son. That yes, I was important to him and mattered more than anything…except for his son. It was SO easy with Mr. CC to overcome this hurdle that other people who have kids and date are faced with. Everything that we do revolves around keeping our kids in the forefront and making them feel included and secure in where these new changes put them in our new family. Knowing that little CC likes Mr. CC wasn’t enough for me. I wanted her to love him, and want him around, and be okay with all of the changes that mommy being involved with someone else could mean for her.

Don’t get me wrong, there were some hard days. Sometimes it felt like we would make SO much progress with her and her feelings towards Mr. CC and then one little thing would happen and we would fall backwards three steps. The old saying is one step forward, two steps back…and that was definitely appropriate! But given time, and a lot of patience and understanding and acceptance, I can honestly say that she’s ok with my upcoming marriage to Mr. CC. In fact, if you remember, she and Mr. CC’s son were hounding us constantly for the few months before the engagement to get married! It was cute to see her enthusiasm for our new family and blending our lives with Mr. CC’s life. It was truly touching.

Why do I write all of this? Well, it’s really pretty simple. It’s been almost two years since Mr. CC and I started dating. We dated for about 3 months before we started spending time with him and his son on a regular basis and she knew that he was my boyfriend. At 6 months into the relationship, I knew that I wanted to marry this man, but also knew that little CC needed more time. That although I was ready, she wasn’t. So, I took things nice and slow and feel like my reward for that is the knowledge that she’s totally ok with all that’s coming up for us.

But recently, little CC has started having some problems in school and acting out at home that concerned me. Her father and I discussed the problems, and neither of us had a solution and I became really concerned about her. To the point of searching for a counselor for her. I spent several sleepless nights worrying about my child and what was going on, and why she didn’t want to talk to me about what was troubling her….then I found out that her dad is engaged. That he’s getting married the month before I do, to someone that he hasn’t known or dated all that long. And that he’s planning a wedding that doesn’t include little CC. Not only does it not include her, but she’s not even invited. So, he’s making all of these BIG changes that will affect her life as she spends 50% of her time with him, and he’s not involving her in any of it. I know that she likes the woman that he’s chosen to marry, and that’s not the problem. She can like her all she wants and still be uncertain of her place – especially since all of their actions shout to the world that she’s not a vital part of their lives.

I’m confused by his actions. Not surprised, necessarily, but confused as to how a father can treat his daughter that way…I could not fathom planning something as important as my re-marriage without having little CC included in the wedding or even invited to be there. As it is, she even helps me with a lot of my DIY projects – she’s a great trash-gatherer, a champion shopper and skilled string knotter…I just can’t imagine it. And I know that she’s hurting…that she’s confused…and tried as I might, I can’t make him see the light.

I got a little rough with him on the phone the other day when we were talking about this whole situation. He’s convinced that all of her problems stem around her unhappiness with his house, and that she’ll feel better once they sell it and move somewhere else. If you’re thinking “WHAT?!?!?” you’re not alone, you’d have to know him to understand. I hope that I got through to him. I hope and pray that something that I said hit a nerve and helps him wake up and see what he’s doing to her right now…I just know that at the age that she’s at, this is where she understands SO much more than we give her credit for…and she could really resent him and his actions at a later time. I don’t want that for her. She’s a little girl, and she needs her daddy involved in her life, but at the rate that he’s going he’s pushing her out of it so fast.

I’m just grateful that I have someone involved in my life who is ready and willing to pick up the slack that her father sometimes drops. I am SO blessed. In so many ways. It’s comforting to me to know that little CC is getting such a good step-dad. She doesn’t realize how important this is to me, but it is one of the MOST important reasons that I’m with Mr. CC. His love for my daughter is evident each and every day…and that’s so important to me and to little CC.

How do you deal with someone who can’t see how their actions are hurting those that they love? Do you have any suggestions for me?

Something You MIGHT Not Think About...

All right. I’ve never tried to deny that I might be just a LITTLE bit, just the teeny-weeny-est little bit, obsessive. Or Type A personality – whatever you want to call it. I don’t deny it, instead I wear it proudly like a badge of honor. Yes, I’m obsessive over the tiniest of details that most people will NEVER even notice…but it makes ME feel better. And let’s be honest…isn’t it all about me? It’s my big day after all…if it makes me feel better to do things a certain way, even though it’s more difficult to do them that way, isn’t it ok?

Well, keeping in mind that it’s ALSO Mr. CC’s big day too…he plays a major role as well. (slap my hand for going off and forgetting that there are TWO people getting married in October…)

Anyway, back to my obsessive tendencies. I think that I threw Mr. CC for a loop the other day when I casually happened to mention that I had found some really cool stamp options for us to use on our STDs and wedding invitations. I didn’t really expect that he would comment, but as always, he keeps me on my toes, and caught my brief mention of stamp options and drug me back to that comment. I was already on to the next thing that happened in my day…The conversation went something like this:

“What do you mean stamps?”

“You know, stamps. For the Save the Dates. There were some really cool ones that I’m thinking about using – if I can find them. If not, I can always order them online.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You mean that we have to have special STAMPS?”

I have to be honest here and admit that I really didn’t get why this was a shock to him. OF COURSE there are special stamps! You don’t just want to use regular-jane-doe-everyday-use stamps for your wedding stationary! Oh, the horrors!

After he finished laughing at me with me, he quickly got on the special stamp train, especially since there’s no outrageous extra cost to getting these stamps. Other than a little frustration to finding them at your local postal store. Check out the options that I found. Aren’t they cool?

So cute for weddings...

For the Walt Disney lover inside us all...

Woudln't these be perfect for a destination wedding somewhere tropical?

My sentiments exactly...CELEBRATE!

Very pretty.

What wedding invitation wouldn’t be “dressed up” a little bit with these?
Now, I’ll admit to having a few scruples in this Cotton Candy head of mine. I saved the best for last. I had already seen these stamps when Mr. CC mentioned them, and I sort of figured that these would be a shoe in choice for him. What are they you ask?
I’ll show you…
Yep, Purple Heart stamps. These were PERFECT for our Save the Dates. As soon as I saw them, I thought about how neat it would be to use them. You see, Mr. CCC is a Marine, and he actually was awarded a Purple Heart for his service/sacrifice for our great country. He will tell you that it was no big deal, that he was just doing “his job,” but to me, a Purple Heart is a really big deal. He has it on our desk shelf, along with other pictures from his service that he’s proud to show off, and he also carried Purple Heart plates on his truck. So what better way to “dress” our STDs than with something that honors the veterans that we know and love? There’s nothing more perfect in my mind.

Then came the problem of finding them. I guess that I was mistaken in thinking that purchasing these stamps would be a simple matter of stopping at my local USPS office to pick them up. Mr. CC asked that I get a few extra for him to keep, so I was looking to buy 4 sheets of stamps from the post office. Unfortunately, after standing in line for well over 20 minutes, I got up the counter to discover that they were all out of the Purple Heart stamps at that particular location.

Yep, 20 minutes…

So I was a little smarter than the USPS…I went home and got online to their store, which can be found here and bought the stamps online. It seems a little odd to do things that way, but I got the exact ones that I wanted to get, I didn’t have to wait in any other lines just to find out that they didn’t have them, and I only had to pay $1 for the processing/shipping. Easy, breezy. That’s Miss CC’s style!

So there you have it. We picked out our stamps for our STDs that mean something to us personally, and I feel (obsess much, I know) that they dress up the envelope a bit and make it more special. As soon as the stamps come in and the STDs go out in the mail, I promise that I’ll show off my finished STDs….obsessive me just wants to wait until they’re actually in the mail before showing them off on my blog!

Did you choose special stamps for your STDs/invitations too? Did you have to jump through hoops to find them, or was it relatively easy?

Now for the Maids...

Ever since I first started thinking about my wedding, I knew what I wanted for the bridesmaids dresses. I want them all to wear a LBD. Yep, you read that right – a little black dress. Each of their own choosing, and they can all be different.

There are several things that I like about this idea.

#1 – you can find a good LBD anywhere. Doesn’t have to be at a bridal store where the prices can run pretty high. You can find one on sale at a department store, and I’ve even gotten a few really great ones at ROSS.

#2 – they will more than likely wear this dress again. It’s the bane of normal bridesmaid dresses – the fact that you’ll more than likely never wear it again. You spend hundreds of dollars on a beautiful gown, and it looks great on you that one day. (Or maybe not so great – depending on the bride’s choices!) But no matter how hard the bride tries to pick out a dress that you can wear again, it’s hard. Many brides pick a longer dress, thinking in the back of their mind that the maids can have the dress shortened and wear it out again. But more often that not, this doesn’t happen. I know this because two of my own bridesmaids thought that VERY same thought when I was in their wedding. At the time, I agreed with them. In reality, I never had either dress shortened, as I didn’t have anywhere else to wear the dress to anyway – short or long.

#3 – I LOVE the idea of mixing the dresses, the fabrics, the styles. Everyone can choose a dress that fits their own sense of style, their personality, their body type and their budget. This doesn’t have to break the bank.

And I love the idea of all of my ladies and I making a weekend of shopping up in Dallas or somewhere equally fun doing some girl time and bonding over LBD shopping. Love it, love it, love it. I mean, come on – how cute are some of these?

Fun and Flirty? Yes, siree!

















Sultry and Sexy....in spades!

















I LOVE the ruffles/layering effect on this dress - might have to buy it for myself!
















I'm not really sure about the one-shoulder thing, but the look of the whole dress appeals to me...and there is a maid or two that might pick this one for her personality...sassy! I'm not naming names, ladies!
















The little cap sleeves on this makes this dress SO cute!

















Simple and elegant - LOVE IT! Oh, right, I'm NOT shopping for me here....

















This looks like the perfect black sheath dress - check out the sexy slit in the side! growl...
















The rusching here reminds me a little bit of my own dress...and I LOVE the flare hem at the bottom!

















This is just stunning...no other words are needed.

All images courtesy of dillards.com

So what do you think? What I like best about this idea? ALL of these dresses can be found at Dillard's. And in most cases, they were all under $120. LOVE IT! There were even a few that I looked at that were on sale for under $100....and something that you could wear again? I'm sold!

Did anyone else want to do something similar with a LBD? Is any other bride out there just as excited about your BM dresses as you are about your own dress? Sometimes I feel that way...

Know Thyself...

Someone recently said to me that I didn’t know who I was. Since it came from a family member, I was a little perturbed at the thought. Did I know me? Was God up there somewhere looking down and having a great laugh at my obvious oblivion to now knowing me? And the more burning question of if I didn’t know myself then did I really know anybody else?

I know that these are big questions. They are things that I struggle with. I struggle because I know that in my past, there have been times that I haven’t been myself. I don’t think that I’m the only person that struggles with these things, or has become less of themselves in the past in order to please someone else. I think that for the most part, this is a common thing among us, so it lead to me writing about it.

I’ll admit something to you. If you’ve read my brief bio, then you know that I mention a fiancé. That’s right, I’m engaged. But what isn’t in that brief bio is that this isn’t my first time to be engaged. I’ve been married before….twice. Yep, this will be my third trip down the aisle. Most days, I’m not ashamed of this fact. The first one happened when I was VERY young, and didn’t really know any better. I was just figuring out who I was, let alone who this person was that I was married to – it’s not really gonna take a rocket scientist to figure out why that one didn’t work out. Since we both walked away with minimal damage and no children, there are days that I don’t even count that one.

My second marriage is a different story. I made a grave mistake when I decided to get married, and I married for reasons other than the right ones. There were other circumstances surrounding my decision to marry again, and they clouded my judgment. Basically, I don’t know WHAT I was thinking! But then again, I’m not alone in this either – we’ve all done things that we wonder how the heck did that happen? The difference is that I had a child with this man, a beautiful child that I cherish more than my own life. And for that reason, when I realized my mistake, I couldn’t just walk away.

And because I stayed, I let myself go. No, I didn’t get all big and gross without fixing my hair or doing my make-up. I let myself go emotionally. I quit caring about who I was and who he was and how he treated me. I told myself that it was ok that I couldn’t see me, the real me, anymore in the mirror – that that’s just what happens as you grow up and mature. You become a different person, and I told myself that it was ok.

Luckily for me, and for my daughter, there was a day when I realized my own self worth again. There did come a day when I broke away from the bad relationship that I was in. There came a day when I realized that I did deserve to be treated better and that I missed myself. That I was a good person.

Since that day, I’ve spent over a year in therapy and the last two full years finding me again. Being happy with who I am, the person that I’ve become and being proud of the things that I can accomplish on my own. I have to admit it….I like me. And that’s a good thing!

So when someone comes up to you after all of that hard work and says that they don’t think that you know who you are, what do you do with that?

Me, being the nice person that I am, listened patiently to this person attempt to make her point. I like to think on the positive side of things, and I choose to believe that the things that she said to me, although causing me some pain, came about because she cares about me and what happens to me. I know, I know. That’s a totally Pollyanna approach to life, but when you’re faced with something like this, I only see two choices. Do what I did and listen patiently and try to take what they’re saying to heart and at the same time comment back politely about why you think they’re wrong….or kill the bitch.

I took the road less traveled. We’re family after all….