Something new...

No, not THAT something new...I already have that all taken care of! Although I am lacking the blue, borrowed and old...but that’s a post for another day.

This is just something new that I’m thinking about. Yes, B, it’s still about the wedding. No big shocker there! But it’s concerning our ring bearer. Not the who – that was easy, it’ll be B’s son, who is eleven years old. And yes, I know that to some people out there, an eleven year old boy is too old to be the official ring bearer. Well, I’m having a wedding, not for the first time, and I have decided to not care what is popular or normal. It’s more important to us that he WANTED to be the ring bearer, asked us specifically if he could do that job to be involved in the wedding. Of COURSE we didn’t say no!

So we’ll have an eleven year-old boy for our ring bearer and a seven year-old flower girl, my daughter. This involves them in the wedding in a very important way, which we’re proud to do. Having older child attendants for the ring bearer and flower girl does present a few little logistical problems.

For J, it’s not that big of a deal since she’s on the older side of the flower girl range...she’s still a girl and carrying a basket of flowers is right up her alley.

But carrying a little pillow with rings on it for the eleven year old boy? This might be a little harder. Not that he’s mentioned having a problem carrying the pillow down the aisle, but that could just be because I haven’t brought home any really girly examples for the ring pillow yet.

In the beginning stages of planning, I just thought that I would make the pillow and not make it too ruffly or girlie. Maybe a nice damask fabric that would incorporate our black and cream theme nicely. And that’s a good solution if T doesn’t mind carrying the pillow. But then I saw this...

source

I was catching up on the older posts from this bride and she had this inspiration posted on her blog. What do you think?

I think that this COULD be a good solution to the problem if T decides that carrying a pillow is not particularly up his alley. I think that it could also be a way to incorporate some family history into our wedding by using a Bible from one of our parents or grandparents. And I really like the idea of putting ribbons into a marked position to a passage of scripture that has meaning to us.

It’s a little non-traditional, but hey, let’s be honest here – our wedding is ALL about non-traditional elements! So, my vote is it’s a keeper of an idea. What’s your vote? Be sure to comment and let me know.

Milestones...

Today we’re going to take a break and celebrate something other than my wedding. When you’re planning a wedding, it’s SO easy to get all wrapped up in that one event, and it’s nice to take a step back every once in a while and celebrate other things. Because in all honesty, life goes on and your wedding day is just ONE day in the year. There are other important days…

Today is one of my most important days each year. Today is my baby’s birthday. Go ahead and get your tissues out, because I’m already tearing up! That’s fair warning to all of you out there that this one MIGHT tug at your heart strings a little.

My child turns seven today. SEVEN YEARS! Where did the time go? Some days I think back on the time that I’ve been blessed to share with this amazing little person in my life and the days have drug on and on…and other times (like today) looking back on things really shows how time flies. It is true what they say - you can blink and miss things in your life. The really important things, the small things that might not mean much at that point in time, but over the course of seven years really add up.

At this time seven years ago, I was in labor, and just getting ready for my first shot of pain meds. Yeah, I’m not one of those women who wanted to do things all natural. I wanted the drugs…all the way. But little did I know, you have to be so far along before the REALLY good drugs come into play, so about 9ish that morning I took my first shot. And from there on out I was just loopy. It’s not that I don’t remember the event; I didn’t want to be that knocked out. But I would sleep/doze off in between contractions. Friends and family that made it there in time to see this portion of the program got some serious entertainment, let me assure you! Around lunchtime, the doctor decided that I could have my epidural, and from there on out it was pretty easy. Jenna was an easy labor, even if it did last about 14 hours in total. Once I was ready to push, it just took getting me and her in the right position and a couple of good pushes and she was born.

She was so beautiful. A lot of babies that are born not through c-section have mis-shapen heads, as the birthing process is hard on the baby too. Not little CC. Her head was perfectly round, and her coloring was great. She cried out really fast and let her wishes be known immediately. Some things haven’t changed.

But some things have. She no longer crawls into my lap. I can’t hold her in my arms like a baby anymore. And she’s getting to the point where she doesn’t really need me much anymore. She’s always been very decisive about her clothes and what-not, and at 7 years old, I don’t have to help much…maybe just to tie her shoes. Yeah, I’m the mom that buys Velcro because it’s easier on me…so we’ll work on learning to tie our own shoes this year…

She takes her own bath or shower, and really just needs me to check and make sure that she got all the soap out of her hair. She brushes her own teeth, and for the most part, now uses the restroom without my supervision (this is a MILESTONE, let me assure you!). She writes legibly, even if the words are very creatively spelled, and when we drive down the road, she can read the signs that we pass. She reads books to me now, although I still read to her. And she says her own prayers at night, although she likes to have me there with her when she does them. We have a secret huggie and kissie ritual that we do each night at bedtime, and she hardly ever gets in and out bed to resist bedtime like she used to as a toddler.

Looking back on these seven years, there have been so many changes. She is my light, she makes me smile, and almost every decision that I make revolves around her and how that choice might affect her. This is what happens when you have kids, I guess. Your life isn’t your own anymore, and you have someone else that matters more than you do. You buy them clothes before you buy yourself clothes. She gets a toy, even if I can’t justify $6 for a new book to read at the time. I don’t regret that, and I would do it all the same given the same choices. She is everything to me.

A hug from your child can bring a smile to your face and a warm glow in your heart. Hearing “I love you, Mom” from those lips touches you deep inside and you know that at that moment nothing could be more perfect in your life. And I treasure each and every single picture that she draws me, or rocks that she picked up “just for me” on the way home from school…even if I know that my house is over-run with her artwork and school papers and that pile MUST be cleaned out and trimmed down soon.

Having her has been the greatest joy in my life. She gives me purpose, she provides me with direction, and she fills me with tenderness. Yes, there are days that I would pay someone $20 to take her away from just half an hour…but I wouldn’t trade those times either! She is my blessing, my greatest accomplishment, and I am the lucky one to have her in my life.

I hope that one day she and I will have the relationship that my mom and I have. I look forward to being more her friend, and less her mother as she continues to grow older. That doesn’t mean that I look forward to the day when she leaves my house to go out into the world on her own…but with that pain comes a new relationship too. I will always be her mother, but I can also be her friend.

So to all the moms out there, go hug your kids. Or your own mom. Or a niece or nephew as the case may be. Too bad schools are out now, or you could just drive by a random school and stop to hug a few kiddos…of course, if you do that you might get arrested! If you see me, hug me! As happy as I am that this day comes around once a year, I’m still a woman and it doesn’t have to make sense that I cry on her birthday!

I’ll leave you with a picture of little CC with her award for Best Artist that she got during the last few days of school. Isn’t she precious?!?!?

Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and it was a great one for me! First of all, I want to wish ALL mother’s out there a VERY happy (albeit belated) Mother’s Day. Being a Mom is one of the hardest jobs out there, and it’s the most rewarding job on the planet.

My day was perfect. I got to sleep in, and then I got sweetly woken up (not with a kiss, but close) to be told that breakfast was ready. I usually do the cooking around our house, unless it’s on the grill of course, and for my special day I didn’t have to do the cooking or the cleaning. As the “chef” I also am usually the last one that gets to eat, so it was a double rare treat to get my plate handed to me when I got downstairs and I was the one that ate first. But before I could eat, I was blessed with gifts galore. I had cards from both kids and flowers from my FH, along with a small teddy bear with a mini-balloon and some candy. Mr. CC did good!

After breakfast, since I didn’t have to do the dishes either, I was given the REMOTE. Yes, girls, you read that right. I had total control over the remote for the ENTIRE day. It was nice, let me tell you – the power that one little device holds is just amazing. We settled down to watch a movie, Mr. CC did some laundry and I was not allowed to do anything that remotely resembled work. So it was a restful day spent for me.

I did remember to call my own mothers about halfway through the afternoon, don’t worry. I missed both of them the first time that I called, but talked to each later in the day.

The perfect day was topped off with Mr. CC grilling up some chicken for dinner…yummy! Although Mr. CC’s son had to go home in the middle of the day, little CC was there with us all evening. She was super cute about “helping me” all during the day so that I had a good Mother’s Day. Isn’t it cute when kids are old enough to understand that this is your day and they make the choice to do all that they can to make it a good day? This is the first Mother’s Day that little CC had understood this, so it was very special indeed.

How was your day special?

A Tense Situation...

So I posted yesterday about the importance of having our children involved in our wedding. We’re not a typical couple and this isn’t a typical wedding…we’re going against the grain on the whole “big wedding” idea for an encore wedding and we’re ok with that fact. At the same time, one thing that I don’t think is against the grain is involving your children in your wedding, if you have them.

Mr. CC and I each have a child from a previous relationship. They are the most important part of our lives, coming before each of us. That might sounds weird to those of you that don’t have children, but for those of you that are reading this that do have kids from a previous relationship, I think that you can understand where we stand on this. From the very beginning of our relationship, it was important to me for Mr. CC to understand that although he was important to me and I was beginning to care for him in a big way, little CC was, is and will ALWAYS be the MOST important part of my life. And when things got more serious between the two of us, and like turned into love, it was something that I really needed for him to understand. That although I loved him more and more with each passing day, and that he was vitally important to me, my feelings for little CC and my love for her were still more important than he was. For some men, this would probably be a pretty hard concept to swallow.

Not for Mr. CC. Mainly because he agreed with me 120% and felt the same way towards his son. That yes, I was important to him and mattered more than anything…except for his son. It was SO easy with Mr. CC to overcome this hurdle that other people who have kids and date are faced with. Everything that we do revolves around keeping our kids in the forefront and making them feel included and secure in where these new changes put them in our new family. Knowing that little CC likes Mr. CC wasn’t enough for me. I wanted her to love him, and want him around, and be okay with all of the changes that mommy being involved with someone else could mean for her.

Don’t get me wrong, there were some hard days. Sometimes it felt like we would make SO much progress with her and her feelings towards Mr. CC and then one little thing would happen and we would fall backwards three steps. The old saying is one step forward, two steps back…and that was definitely appropriate! But given time, and a lot of patience and understanding and acceptance, I can honestly say that she’s ok with my upcoming marriage to Mr. CC. In fact, if you remember, she and Mr. CC’s son were hounding us constantly for the few months before the engagement to get married! It was cute to see her enthusiasm for our new family and blending our lives with Mr. CC’s life. It was truly touching.

Why do I write all of this? Well, it’s really pretty simple. It’s been almost two years since Mr. CC and I started dating. We dated for about 3 months before we started spending time with him and his son on a regular basis and she knew that he was my boyfriend. At 6 months into the relationship, I knew that I wanted to marry this man, but also knew that little CC needed more time. That although I was ready, she wasn’t. So, I took things nice and slow and feel like my reward for that is the knowledge that she’s totally ok with all that’s coming up for us.

But recently, little CC has started having some problems in school and acting out at home that concerned me. Her father and I discussed the problems, and neither of us had a solution and I became really concerned about her. To the point of searching for a counselor for her. I spent several sleepless nights worrying about my child and what was going on, and why she didn’t want to talk to me about what was troubling her….then I found out that her dad is engaged. That he’s getting married the month before I do, to someone that he hasn’t known or dated all that long. And that he’s planning a wedding that doesn’t include little CC. Not only does it not include her, but she’s not even invited. So, he’s making all of these BIG changes that will affect her life as she spends 50% of her time with him, and he’s not involving her in any of it. I know that she likes the woman that he’s chosen to marry, and that’s not the problem. She can like her all she wants and still be uncertain of her place – especially since all of their actions shout to the world that she’s not a vital part of their lives.

I’m confused by his actions. Not surprised, necessarily, but confused as to how a father can treat his daughter that way…I could not fathom planning something as important as my re-marriage without having little CC included in the wedding or even invited to be there. As it is, she even helps me with a lot of my DIY projects – she’s a great trash-gatherer, a champion shopper and skilled string knotter…I just can’t imagine it. And I know that she’s hurting…that she’s confused…and tried as I might, I can’t make him see the light.

I got a little rough with him on the phone the other day when we were talking about this whole situation. He’s convinced that all of her problems stem around her unhappiness with his house, and that she’ll feel better once they sell it and move somewhere else. If you’re thinking “WHAT?!?!?” you’re not alone, you’d have to know him to understand. I hope that I got through to him. I hope and pray that something that I said hit a nerve and helps him wake up and see what he’s doing to her right now…I just know that at the age that she’s at, this is where she understands SO much more than we give her credit for…and she could really resent him and his actions at a later time. I don’t want that for her. She’s a little girl, and she needs her daddy involved in her life, but at the rate that he’s going he’s pushing her out of it so fast.

I’m just grateful that I have someone involved in my life who is ready and willing to pick up the slack that her father sometimes drops. I am SO blessed. In so many ways. It’s comforting to me to know that little CC is getting such a good step-dad. She doesn’t realize how important this is to me, but it is one of the MOST important reasons that I’m with Mr. CC. His love for my daughter is evident each and every day…and that’s so important to me and to little CC.

How do you deal with someone who can’t see how their actions are hurting those that they love? Do you have any suggestions for me?

Would you rather...?

Good morning to you, Good morning to you…

Yeah, I know. For those of you who aren’t morning people you’re probably hating my guts right about now. That’s ok. I’m not really a morning person either. Well, not this morning. I’m tired this morning, just didn’t sleep well, I guess. So you know what they say…if you can’t make it – FAKE it…so all that good morning cheeriness is just fake.

Does that make you feel better?

It should.

But probably doesn’t.

Oh well. It’s another week at work, and it’s a hard week for me. You know why? It’s SPRING BREAK! You know, right after college ended and this full-time working girl made it around to March, it was really sad to be gainfully employed. I still lived in the town where I went to college, and there was a notable difference in the air as Spring Break loomed closer. I think that I even took a few days off that first year – to transition myself. LOL!

Anyway, that’s just one of the many things that I miss about not being an adult. I mean, when you’re in college you think that you’re an adult because you live all on your own, you’re responsible for your choices and stuff, and you might be of legal age to consume alcoholic beverages. But that’s not what makes you an adult in my eyes. Being an adult is more about responsibility…not being able to “skip” work (which I was the QUEEN of skipping classes in college – oh the good ol’ days…) and doing what you don’t really want to do because you have to. It’s not always fun. Sure, there are perks along the way, but are they really worth it?

I’m not sure. You see, this weekend we played a game with the kiddos. It’s called “Would you rather…?” The way the game works is that everyone takes turns asking questions about what you would rather do between two choices. The choices can be silly, or in my daughter’s case not even remotely intelligent, or they can be on a more serious tone. And this was one of the questions that Mr. CC asked – “Would you rather be a kid or an adult?”

My answer was fast and bold. A kid. Hands down. No questions asked.

Mr. CC gave the same answer.

The kids I think had to think on it a little bit more. Our son probably gave the same answer, as he’s 11 and an astute 11 year-old boy and he knows that it’s not always fun and games to be the adult. My 6 year-old daughter on the other hand probably answered an adult. Then again, she also chose being pretty over being smart…so maybe her answer should be nullified.

So, here in Austin, it’s the first day of Spring Break. And there are at least ten other places that I can think of that I’d rather be than here at work, being the adult. In bed fast asleep tops the list. Followed closely either by warm, sunny beaches or fresh powder on the slopes. It’s a toss up between those two, but the bed beats both of them!

Where would you like to be on this Spring Break? Right where you are, or somewhere else? And what would your answer be – kid or adult?

A Place Where a Kid Can Be A Kid...

Sometimes it’s fun to be a kid.

Do you ever look back on those carefree days when you were a kid? You didn’t have anything more to worry about than your future plans for Saturday night. You didn’t worry about rent/mortgage, bills to pay, time off of work, etc. At the time, all you wanted to do was grow up and be your own person – get out of wherever you were and start doing things on your own. Never did it cross your mind that there would be a time when things like having to be at work each and every day just to pay the bills would stink. Never in a million years did you think about how expensive buying new clothes was. Your parents covered all of those things. You didn’t think about how much it cost to go out and eat pizza for a family of four, you asked for more $$ for the arcade.

Now as an adult, I see things differently. I think about how much it costs to go to Gattitown because it’s not just the buffet that’s expensive but all of the games. And if you give one child $10 for video games (which really doesn’t go that far, believe me!) then you have to give each of them $10. It’s those types of things that add up over time.

Man, did I have it easy as a kid!

So, sometimes, it’s fun to go back to those carefree days of being a kid. That’s what my fiancé and I did this weekend. For an early Christmas present, I took him to Six Flags Holiday in the Park on Saturday. We had a great set of friends donate their unused, extra tickets to us – thanks BH – and we headed off to be kids again. Without our own kids! I know, that might seem mean to some of your parents out there, but let me tell you, we had a blast.

We were able to ride the rides that WE wanted to ride, eat the food that we wanted to eat, do whatever we wanted to do. As a parent, there are a lot of times that you give up what you want to do in favor of doing whatever it is that your kids want to do. And that’s ok – that’s part of being a parent. But I have to admit, with an evil little grin on my face, that it was SO much fun to be a kid again! We ate junk food all day long, and I didn’t even think about how unhealthy it was to have that second funnel cake at the end of the night when I couldn’t find any cotton candy…

Now, I’ll also be honest and say that there were more than a few times that we looked around and thought of how much that we missed the kids. Or how much they would enjoy whatever it was that we were seeing or doing at that moment. But we didn’t miss them that much…

There has been a lot of heavy stuff with work and personal lives going on right now for both my fiancé and myself. So this day was like stealing a little slice of pie out of the fridge when Mom wasn’t looking. We didn’t tell many people where we were going or what we were doing – we just went and did it. And it was just what the doctor ordered! We both felt refreshed and relieved to be away from everything else for a while. It was nice to go out and play and ride roller coasters over and over again until I had to call a break to walk around and lose the queasy feeling…

Then again, it wasn’t totally like being a kid. Mom and Dad weren’t there to pay for my food….