The Saga of the Eggplant Tablecloth Continues...

If you remember, from here, here and here...I'm having a "little" bit of trouble finding the linens that I envisioned having for our reception.

Isn't that how it ALWAYS happens? It does for me, it seems. You would think that linens really wouldn't be THE hardest part about planning my wedding...but that's what I get for loving purple, huh? And a SPECIFIC shade of purple, no less.

I've just quit thinking about it, to be honest. I've had the poll posted to the side here letting readers vote on what they think that I should do - and you're all SO funny about the voting process. Mama CC doesn't want to offend with her vote, and two of my Maids were the obvious other votes...you gals are great!

So I've just been coasting about it all. Letting my MOH (who now considers finding eggplant tablescloths her personal life's mission!) work her magic. Just sitting here crossing my fingers, hoping for the best, all the while starting the conversations with Mr. CC about possible changing the color of the tablecloths...Just In Case.

And low and behold, I get an email on Saturday - my dear friend may have done it again. Now, she's offering me no guarantees, but she found three places in/around our area that MIGHT have something CLOSE to eggplant. And to be perfectly honest here, she and I aren't really sure why there is a problem with people understanding what shade of purple eggplant is...even straight men understand the question, so why is it that linen rental company women CAN'T get the right shade? We don't know...we would lose SO much sleep at night if we continued to wonder on this.

Anyway, so I'm going to start the process of checking these last few out. And then weighing my options. One place will send me a sample of what they call eggplant, and I like that. Another place can't send me a sample, but does have a book that either myself of MOH can go and look at sometime soon. The last place...well, I can't remember what the deal was with them...do you see how tiring this all is? If it wasn't for my FABULOUS MOH putting in such long hours on this "little" project from H*LL...well, you know.

So off we go again. I'll be sure to keep you updated on what we find out. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Did ANYONE else out there have THIS much trouble finding their perfect linens????

A Tense Situation...

So I posted yesterday about the importance of having our children involved in our wedding. We’re not a typical couple and this isn’t a typical wedding…we’re going against the grain on the whole “big wedding” idea for an encore wedding and we’re ok with that fact. At the same time, one thing that I don’t think is against the grain is involving your children in your wedding, if you have them.

Mr. CC and I each have a child from a previous relationship. They are the most important part of our lives, coming before each of us. That might sounds weird to those of you that don’t have children, but for those of you that are reading this that do have kids from a previous relationship, I think that you can understand where we stand on this. From the very beginning of our relationship, it was important to me for Mr. CC to understand that although he was important to me and I was beginning to care for him in a big way, little CC was, is and will ALWAYS be the MOST important part of my life. And when things got more serious between the two of us, and like turned into love, it was something that I really needed for him to understand. That although I loved him more and more with each passing day, and that he was vitally important to me, my feelings for little CC and my love for her were still more important than he was. For some men, this would probably be a pretty hard concept to swallow.

Not for Mr. CC. Mainly because he agreed with me 120% and felt the same way towards his son. That yes, I was important to him and mattered more than anything…except for his son. It was SO easy with Mr. CC to overcome this hurdle that other people who have kids and date are faced with. Everything that we do revolves around keeping our kids in the forefront and making them feel included and secure in where these new changes put them in our new family. Knowing that little CC likes Mr. CC wasn’t enough for me. I wanted her to love him, and want him around, and be okay with all of the changes that mommy being involved with someone else could mean for her.

Don’t get me wrong, there were some hard days. Sometimes it felt like we would make SO much progress with her and her feelings towards Mr. CC and then one little thing would happen and we would fall backwards three steps. The old saying is one step forward, two steps back…and that was definitely appropriate! But given time, and a lot of patience and understanding and acceptance, I can honestly say that she’s ok with my upcoming marriage to Mr. CC. In fact, if you remember, she and Mr. CC’s son were hounding us constantly for the few months before the engagement to get married! It was cute to see her enthusiasm for our new family and blending our lives with Mr. CC’s life. It was truly touching.

Why do I write all of this? Well, it’s really pretty simple. It’s been almost two years since Mr. CC and I started dating. We dated for about 3 months before we started spending time with him and his son on a regular basis and she knew that he was my boyfriend. At 6 months into the relationship, I knew that I wanted to marry this man, but also knew that little CC needed more time. That although I was ready, she wasn’t. So, I took things nice and slow and feel like my reward for that is the knowledge that she’s totally ok with all that’s coming up for us.

But recently, little CC has started having some problems in school and acting out at home that concerned me. Her father and I discussed the problems, and neither of us had a solution and I became really concerned about her. To the point of searching for a counselor for her. I spent several sleepless nights worrying about my child and what was going on, and why she didn’t want to talk to me about what was troubling her….then I found out that her dad is engaged. That he’s getting married the month before I do, to someone that he hasn’t known or dated all that long. And that he’s planning a wedding that doesn’t include little CC. Not only does it not include her, but she’s not even invited. So, he’s making all of these BIG changes that will affect her life as she spends 50% of her time with him, and he’s not involving her in any of it. I know that she likes the woman that he’s chosen to marry, and that’s not the problem. She can like her all she wants and still be uncertain of her place – especially since all of their actions shout to the world that she’s not a vital part of their lives.

I’m confused by his actions. Not surprised, necessarily, but confused as to how a father can treat his daughter that way…I could not fathom planning something as important as my re-marriage without having little CC included in the wedding or even invited to be there. As it is, she even helps me with a lot of my DIY projects – she’s a great trash-gatherer, a champion shopper and skilled string knotter…I just can’t imagine it. And I know that she’s hurting…that she’s confused…and tried as I might, I can’t make him see the light.

I got a little rough with him on the phone the other day when we were talking about this whole situation. He’s convinced that all of her problems stem around her unhappiness with his house, and that she’ll feel better once they sell it and move somewhere else. If you’re thinking “WHAT?!?!?” you’re not alone, you’d have to know him to understand. I hope that I got through to him. I hope and pray that something that I said hit a nerve and helps him wake up and see what he’s doing to her right now…I just know that at the age that she’s at, this is where she understands SO much more than we give her credit for…and she could really resent him and his actions at a later time. I don’t want that for her. She’s a little girl, and she needs her daddy involved in her life, but at the rate that he’s going he’s pushing her out of it so fast.

I’m just grateful that I have someone involved in my life who is ready and willing to pick up the slack that her father sometimes drops. I am SO blessed. In so many ways. It’s comforting to me to know that little CC is getting such a good step-dad. She doesn’t realize how important this is to me, but it is one of the MOST important reasons that I’m with Mr. CC. His love for my daughter is evident each and every day…and that’s so important to me and to little CC.

How do you deal with someone who can’t see how their actions are hurting those that they love? Do you have any suggestions for me?

Miss Cotton Candy Needs to Vent...About My Ex

Allright, what’s the point of having a blog if you can’t just vent every once in a while? Right? Right.

Proceed with caution…not to anyone in particular, but I’m just really upset…disappointed…angry…I’m not really sure what I feel right now. Is all of the above ok?

You see it started out so innocently. For the last few years little CC has mentioned wanting to do a sport. But she didn’t know which sport that she wanted to do. We’ve done gymnastics and cheerleading, but unfortunately she is “blessed” with the natural grace and agility that both her mother and her grandmother possess…what a LUCKY girl. Did I mention prone to accidents too? Oh well. Moving on. So about 6 months ago, she got on this kick to join what she calls “soccerball.” Unfortunately at the time, it was mid-season so she had to wait until I could get her registered and on a team.

So last month, I sent in her registration to the local YMCA, and last week received an email from the YMCA’s organizer. He emailed the parents the team roster and let us know that at this time, there was no coach for this team. If any parents were interested in volunteering to coach, he would gladly help them through the process and there was a little seminar that the Y offered to help you be a coach and all. Like a dutiful ex-spouse, I forwarded the email on to my ex. (I mentioned earlier that little CC got her lack of grace from me, right? So I obviously can’t be the coach…)

I don’t know why, but I really expected my ex to step up here. He’s been hounding me and hounding me about this soccer deal. He was upset that I didn’t register her with the league out of Austin in the first place. In my defense, the price was triple what the YMCA wanted and since we don’t even know that she’s going to like “soccerball” I figured it wasn’t worth the price this first year. So he bugs me to get her signed up for soccer and then when he has the opportunity to be more involved with his child and something that SHE wants to do…he totally drops the ball. He says that he doesn’t have time. Well, that was his initial response. Then, when he found out that he (as the coach) would get to set the practice days and times, said he would think about it and contact the organizer about being the coach.

A week passes…the parents receive another email stating that we STILL don’t have a coach and our first game is Saturday, March 28th…

I forward the email on to my ex AGAIN, with a note this time asking him if he intended to do this or not. You see, what happened is when I went home the week before and told Mr. CC about little CC’s team not having a coach, he literally jumped out of his chair and said “I’ll do it!” I’m not kidding. Leapt out of the chair with excitement and enthusiasm for this opportunity.

To be fair, and to support Mr. CC in this endeavor, I did “clear it” with my ex. No, I didn’t ask for his permission, but I let him know that Mr. CC was willing to do it, and wanted to do it, just so that my ex couldn’t come back later and make a stink about it. I was honestly afraid that when my ex found out about Mr. CC’s interest in coaching, that he would then “all of a sudden” be interested and available to do it. His exact words over text to me concerning coaching were “I don’t know if I can. I know we want her in soccer but taking on a coaching job wasn’t really in my mind.” So I was afraid that once he found out that Mr. CC was willing to do the job, my ex would suddenly find the time. And that’s the wrong reason to coach her team.

I don’t really know if I’m shocked or not that he said for Mr. CC to go ahead and do it.

Typical, to be perfectly honest. He’s never followed through on most other things in life, so why start now? Take the glory, if there’s any to be had, and let someone else do the hard work. Then look back later and not be sure why everyone doesn’t like you…yeah, pretty typical.

So I started out being upset over this whole thing. But you know what I realized? I realized how lucky I am. How truly blessed I am to have Mr. CC in my life.

I love this man. With all of my heart. I love that he loves my child this much. That he is willing to be in whatever awkward situation that my ex will make of this…he knows how my ex is, and still offers to do this for little CC. I can’t say enough. I literally have tears in my eyes writing this post…I just never thought that I would be this lucky. I say a prayer of thanks as I finish up this post…

My special angel was really watching over me when she sent Mr. CC my way!

The Crazy Ways a Woman's Mind Works

So just in case you’re all wondering…I’m ok. Really. I just had a REALLY bad day the other day. You know the kind of day that I’m talking about? The one where on a normal day the fact that you can’t decide if you want a ham or turkey sandwich really isn’t a big deal, but on this one particular day, everything seems like the most ginormous decision that you’ve ever made?

I’m sure that you have, or for the sake of my own sanity, I’m gonna tell myself that!

So Wednesday was one of those days for me. But luckily, I’m engaged to the most wonderful guy ever. Mr. CC, although adding to my troubles the other day, grasped the situation and realized that I was just under a tremendous amount of stress. And without me telling him, he understood that his actions had only added to and magnified my stress level to the breaking point. (thus the tears all day long…)

And just like a good fiancé should do, he swooped in and helped save the day. He offered to help more with the wedding, including helping me make decisions that I know that he could probably care less about. But just being a sounding board for me really helps. He offered to call another caterer for me, and he also took care of booking the dj that we had heard about. After that was done, and the color choices were cleared by him, we tackled the house. We divided up the chores and came up with a game plan for keeping things under control so that neither one of us would feel like we were doing the lion’s share of the work. And bless his heart, he wanted to do it all that night so that I would immediately feel better…little did he know that just having a plan that we had committed to made me feel better!

Once I calmed him down and assured him that we could do a little bit each night to get the house in order, I took a step back and looked around. A HUGE weight had gone off of my shoulders, and I took a big deep breath. It’s true what they tell you – to relax a little, you just have to breathe…

By that afternoon, I felt better, was ready to tackle new projects and had a better outlook on the whole wedding process. I know, that this sounds a little crazy to any guy out there reading this, but just crying about it, and getting it off of my chest to someone who then turned around and offered to help, made me feel 110% better about the whole thing.

I just realized how lucky I am. He’s not perfect, and he knows it. But then again, neither am I. But maybe, just maybe….we’re perfect for each other. I love him more than I could have ever imagined loving someone, and I know that he feels the same way…even if I am controlling, neurotic and stressed out sometimes! I guess that’s what the part of the vow that says “for better or worse” is talking about, huh?

Have a great weekend! Talk to you next week! Oh, and enjoy Valentine’s Day – take a minute to tell someone how much you care, because even if you think that they know it’s still nice to hear the words every once in a while.

How do you correct what you don’t know how to fix?

This is a question that I’ve been asking myself lately. You see, there are times when couples argue. There are times when couples fight. There are always times when two people who are their own individuals don’t get along. This is to be expected, and should be not great shock when it happens.

What is shocking is when it continues to happen over and over….only not with the same two people. What if it kept happening with whoever you were with? What if eventually each partner that you’ve spent a decent amount of time in a relationship with complains about the same thing?

Sure, when you first break-up you can blame it on the other person. You might even be able to rationalize those actions when the second partner that makes the same argument. But after the third one? Who’s kidding herself now? I guess that would be me, party of one.

I think what is so hard for me to wrap my head around is the fact that I spent about a year in therapy after the end of my last marriage. There were many reasons for this. My ex had done a good number on me (verbally/mentally/emotionally) and there were some definite scars and wounds that needed healing. And I needed the help of a professional to get those healed. Another reason that I went the route of therapy was due to my own wish that I not repeat my past mistakes. A mistake is often a learning experience…you make the mistake, you live with the consequences, all the while hoping that you’ve learned your lesson so that the next time that you get the same opportunity you make better choices and don’t get back to the same place where you were.

Do you know what I mean?

So how is it that after nearly two years of blissful happiness, I’m faced once again with the same argument that others have given me? I did my time, I struggled through the hard therapy. I took the truthful look inside myself, accepted my faults for what they were and vowed to work on them. I did the labor, dealt with the grief, and moved on. I made myself a better person. A more loving person, someone that someone else would want to be with…

And yet now, right at this moment, I feel like I’m right back where I started from…I feel like all the work got washed away and forgotten, as if it was on a chalkboard and the janitor came by one day when I wasn’t looking and cleaned the slate. In some cases this would be a good thing. But in my case, I don’t really feel that way. I feel that the sneaky janitor didn’t wash it all off and give me a clean slate to start with…I feel like he washed off all of my hard work and notes that I took to help me not make those same mistakes again…which leaves me bare and empty-handed.

Damn that janitor!!! What did I do to him to make this happen?

Is it all just stress? Is it all just in my head? Am I making myself crazy with all of this wedding business? Is it work-related and once things calm down with my projects at work and I get on firm footing again with my job some of this will magically disappear? Am I just taking on too much at a time? I mean, in one month, I wrapped a big project at work, I moved out of my apartment and in with my fiancé, I started focusing on a new project at work, and started planning a wedding with almost no help or support from those that I care about the most? Is it just emotional trauma? Am I letting the problems that others might have with my situation get the best of me and kill my mood and confidence in myself and my sense of purpose?

Where did I take the wrong turn? Does anyone else ever lose their footing every once in a while? Does this mean that I have to start all over (to some degree) or did I just lose the path today? Maybe tomorrow will be a better day…

The Night of the Engagement - Part I

So from the get-go we knew that the kids wanted to be involved in the asking of the all-important question. They had been bugging us for months about getting married, and they knew that we were talking about it. They knew that we had taken the time to go ring shopping, so they knew that it was going to happen sometime soon.

And they wanted in on the action. Bad. They begged and pleaded to be there when he asked me to marry him. We love our kids. A lot. And we understand that there are times when you have your kids around. The night that you ask a girl to marry you is not one of those time. That doesn’t mean that we don’t love our kids. It just means that we also understand that there are times that you DON’T want your kids around!

But it was important to my fiancé that they be involved somehow. He took that knowledge and made a whole, extravagant proposal night that melted my heart. If he hadn’t already owned it lock, stock and barrel, he would have after what he did to propose to me. Let me tell you the story and see if you agree…

The night that he asked me to marry him started off as a date night. You see, I’ve been working a lot on the new software system that our company is installing at the beginning of the year. And when I say that I’ve been working a lot, I know that you might be thinking of a few late nights and maybe a weekend or two. Not so in this case. I’ve been traveling a minimum of three days a week since last May. I work two days a week in Austin, and three days a week in Dallas. Sometimes I drive, sometimes I fly. No matter what, when I’m in Austin, I have my daughter and when I don’t have my daughter, I’m in Dallas. That’s how our life has been for the past seven months. To keep our sanity and romance alive, we started doing date nights a while back. Nights without the kids, where we go out to eat and maybe see a movie. A night away just for the two of us.

So the first week of December, we only had one night with me being in town and without the kids. It was December 4th. And my fiancé asked me if I wanted to do a date night on that night a few days earlier. Now, I have to say that between the end of September and this time, we had picked out a ring, and I knew that he was trying to tie down the details of how/when/where to buy it at and all, but he had led me on a merry chase of having trouble getting the ring. This is all to tell you that I didn’t really suspect anything on our date night on 12/4.

We had been in training for the new computer system all morning. We got out of training just before lunch and decided to have a date lunch before I had to work that afternoon. We went to this little pizza place on the square in San Marcos that we hadn’t been to in forever and shared a pie with a pitcher of beer. So nice!

After that relaxing lunch we did some Xmas shopping and went home. I had to work and he relaxed a bit. Before long, I was instructed to stay upstairs for a bit while he wrapped a Xmas present for me. When asked why he didn’t just wait until I wasn’t there to wrap it, he told me that it was a present for me to open that night. I argued that we weren’t opening presents early and he told me that this was something that he thought that I would want to open early, something that I could use in the next few weeks before Xmas. When I continued arguing about getting a present that night, he finally told me to suck it up and deal with it. That I was opening the present that night, even if he had to call it a date night present.

Yeah, this was just the beginning of “Sandy being Difficult Night”…stay tuned for more details.