Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Troublesome Times...

OK, I’ll be upfront about this...the post this afternoon MIGHT be a bit of a downer for you to read. So, if you want to skip it, I’ll understand.

What’s going on, you ask? Well, this uncertain and troubled economy is wreaking havoc with my life. I’ve held this all inside from most of the people in my life, but I was told about two weeks ago by my boss that he doesn’t know how much longer the company that I work for will keep my position open. Yeah. That’s a real downer on a Friday afternoon at 4:30...well, any day at any time, really. But still.

What makes this all that much harder to swallow for me, is that I sacrificed for this job. I took the risk to become a specialist for this new software that our company was converting to, and now we’re just not sure that we’re going to keep the software anymore. Always before, my boss was able to reassure me that even if we changed to another system (due to our problems with the new system) that I would continue along the lines of what I do, and I would become a specialist in that new system.

This was the first time that he didn’t mention that being an option.

This time he talked about making our division profitable. He talked about losses across the regions...he talked about a lot of uncertainty. Basically he talked about a lot of depressing things and offered no light at the end of the tunnel.

Not only was it disconcerting for me to find out that my position may no longer be considered valuable, but it was with the realization that I gave up a year of my life for this. And it’s going away. That makes me angry. I traveled, worked between two bosses, two separate cities (Dallas and Austin) for the better part of 18 simply be told that I’m no longer needed? I gave up time with my daughter for this, and it seemed to pay off in a big way for a little while. New title, new office, new salary...but now he’s just not sure that they’re keeping it or me? You took my personal life away for a year...I worked late nights, weekends, and holidays...and you’re not sure that you can find something for me? Anywhere in your large company?

Well...I guess if you’re going to look at the bright side of things, then I would say that I know that I gave it 110%. I know that I did the best job that I could possibly have done. And I know that if they do decide to get rid of my position, then it won’t be because of the work that was given. I know that it was outstanding...even if there were days here and there that some portion of the day was spent daydreaming about my wedding...I still worked hard. I still did the best that I could.

So, that was two weeks ago. I’ve managed to avoid the axe for the better part of two weeks. But each morning, when I take out my access card to open the front door, I hold my breath. And I’m relieved when it still works. Each day, I show up, wondering if today is the day that I’m going to be let go. And today was a pretty rough day over in our world again. More people were laid off, and the rumor mill has started that there could be more salaried positions within my division laid off. I’m crossing my fingers that I’m not part of those, but my heart is pretty sure that I am.

B is so good. He tells me not to worry. That we’ll be fine. That this could be a blessing in disguise – give me the chance to do other things. I’m creative, I’m smart and I’m courageous enough to want to try other things...this could be the little push that I need to do that. Who knows? But until then, I’m here. Working away. Trying to do my best until the end.

Anyone else facing some job fears during this stressful time? How are you coping? Are your wedding plans staying the same?

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