A Wrinkle in the Plan...

I posted here a few weeks ago about being under scurtiny regarding my job. Then I posted here about being told that I was "off the radar" of being fired.

You know what I forgot to post about? My fears that B would be laid off...

And it happened today. Yes, it did. No, this is not a joke.

My first question to him when he could call me (since he only has a company cell phone and thus had to stop and find a PAY phone to call me from) was first and foremost "Are you ok?"

Which was quickly followed by about a million questions...so many that I can't even think right now. And is it selfish on my part for the first and foremost question on my brain to be "What does this mean for our wedding?"

Hopefully you won't think that's me being selfish. It's an honest question, that deserves an answer. I would assume that this will change some things to our wedding, but can't even begin to think of what. I would imagine that the biggest change will be Who...as is Who is still invited to the wedding from our large pool of co-workers that have been sent Save the Dates...

So tell me, is it considered acceptable to wheedle the guest list down now? Even if you already sent a Save the Date?

A Thought to Ponder…

I have a question…even though I’m pretty sure that I already know the answer. Can you un-invite someone to your wedding?

Ok, that question was a little TOO simple. Try it like this: Can you un-invite someone to your wedding that you already sent a Save the Date to?

Yeah, see? That one’s a little bit harder. But it’s a question that I ponder as I sit here and tally and total the guest list and the costs per person that encompasses my ever-growing guest list. There was a time when Mr. CC and I started out planning this shin-dig when it wasn’t quite this large.

Why is this on my brain, you ask? Well, you see…someone at a party over the weekend happened to ask about my wedding. It was a company party, and since Mr. CC and I both work for the same company (although at different locations now) everyone knows that I’m a bride right now. A bride planning her wedding. A bride planning her wedding that is only 3 months away…

Ooh. I have to stop myself. I’m feeling a little bit faint.

All right. All jokes aside, this is a popular question that I get from all fronts. “How’s the wedding planning going?” is a great question for someone that you don’t know all that well, since more than likely the bride will latch on to the smallest bit of curiosity from an outsider about what is hands-down THE most important day of her life and start to prattle on and on, leaving you just listening. Why does a bride do this, you might ask? Because she’s already driven all of her own friends and family MAD with talking about the wedding. Seriously. It’s a proven, scientific fact that brides lose friends.

But since this question came from someone that knows me a little better than a passing stranger, and she was recently a bride herself, I knew that she could relate. I tried to stem the gush of information that I almost overloaded her with, and tried to play it cool like I had everything under control. Did I mention that she was recently a bride? Yeah…I’m pretty sure that she knew that I was blowing smoke…

Either way, she posed another question. “Is it a small wedding?” I answered yes, before I stopped and really thought about it. Yes, I think that my wedding will be small, in that it’s not our first wedding (for either one of us) and therefore we don’t have to submit to the strict rules of etiquette allowing your parents to invite people that you haven’t seen since you were a baby, but by-goodness they went to their daughter’s wedding and spent over $100 on their present, so these people WERE getting an invitation. Our guest list is MUCH smaller than that of a first-time bride/groom for this very reason. We’re really only inviting family and friends. There shouldn’t be anyone at the wedding who hasn’t known each of us personally. Yes, our parents are all inviting some of their friends, but we’ve at least met and spoken to these people at some point in the past two years…

Yet, once I started to answer with my resounding YES this was a small wedding, I stopped. At a guest list that nears 200 at its peak, is it still a small wedding? Where does a bride draw the line in the sand between small, intimate, and over the top?

I wouldn’t say that our wedding is intimate. Intimae weddings to me seem to be something with fewer than 50 guests in attendance.

A large wedding, in my opinion, is any wedding with over 300 in attendance.

Now, those numbers are based on final head counts…and my count of 200 is our guest list. There are people on the guest list that we’re sending an invitation to, but we seriously do NOT expect some of these people to make the trip in for our wedding. At the same time, they are important in some way to one of us, and we feel the need to include them and make them feel welcome at our wedding. Even though we know that they know that we know that they won’t really plan on being there. It’s the thought that counts.

I heard that a good rule of thumb is 75% when you’re trying to estimate a head count. That means that 75% of the total number that you invite is what you need to plan on being there. That means that we should plan on having 150.

So is 150 guests in attendance still small? This is what I wrestle with. I want small. I think that 150 is on the small side for weddings. Do you agree?

But when I look back over our guest list, I see a few people that I could cut from the list…trim the fat so to speak. Is it rude to not invite them now, once I’ve already sent them a save the date? Part of me says – YES! But a small part of me says that I could probably blame the dwindling economy and get away with a few invites being “recalled” between now and the actual wedding.

Like the lady that is letting me borrow some flower girl stuff. I had her on the list because I thought that I needed to do that, as a courtesy. MOH assures me that she lends out her wedding hurricane vases ALL the time and does NOT expect a wedding invitation from each bride that borrows them. Then again, since this is someone that I work with, is it just easier to let it go and be done with it?

What do you think? Is it rude to not send out the invitation after they’ve received the save the date? Do you think that I’m a terrible person for even considering doing that? I hope not…but I need some honest feedback here, and I know that you won’t let me down!

Dealing with a B for a Boss....

Have you ever had someone dislike you and you’re really not sure why? I have that with my old boss. Luckily, I don’t have to deal with her much anymore, but she can still get under my skin. Here’s a brief history from my perspective.

When I started working at my current job, there were only two accounting people in the offices, and those two people were just swamped with work. Shortly after I started working there, another lady – BFFL – started working there and we became very close. The controller that we reported to was relieved to finally have the quality help (if I do say so myself) that she needed, but envious at the same time of the bond that she saw between the other lady and myself. At times off and on, she would try to fit in, but she’s just not like us. There are so many things that make her different, but I’ll try to sum it up for you. We’re nice, she’s not. We’re helpful, she’s lazy. We work VERY hard, she does as little as possible and takes all the credit. We’re good at biting our tongues and not saying hateful things, she regularly let loose both verbally and physically throwing things on our desks.

Basically….she’s a B and we’re just not. And a person can only take so much of that, right? So before long, BFFL and I are complaining to her manager about her antics. He assures us that he’ll talk with her and resolve the situation. But one of two things always happened. #1) he never talked with her or #2) he would talk with her and she would then turn on the water works in front of him pleading for help, and then later take out her anger on us even worse. So if those are your only two options, you eventually quit complaining.

Luckily for both BFFL and I, we’ve moved on. Our old boss is still here, but is retiring soon, and let me assure you that there is not a single sad heart in that office – we’re ALL counting down the days until she leaves, not just her! Both BFFL and I have received promotions and now answer to other people, so we’re better off in the long run. Sometimes biting your tongue does pay off!

So you would think that the situation would improve, right? Nope. She’s just as nasty as ever. And it’s really gotten worse. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t hardly say anything to her now and not have her jump down my throat about something. The difference? I don’t have to take it anymore. I can simply walk away and let someone else deal with her, since she can’t fire me anymore.

But it still rubs me the wrong way, to be perfectly honest. I didn’t do anything to deserve that type of treatment. I worked for her for three miserable years, some days just hating the fact that I had to go to work. I gave her my best effort, and there were the occasional days that she was nice and cared about me and my family and what was going on in my personal life. Granted, they were few and far between, but still they were there. And I think that I’m a nice person generally, so I just can’t get my head around the fact that someone could just be that hateful. Most days, I’m able to just write her off, but other days she can still get to me. I just can’t understand why a person would treat someone else that way. My head understands that it’s just the way that she is, it’s in her chemical make-up to be a B. But the emotional side of me still struggles with her relentless and so obvious digs that she continues to make against me to other people.

Like when my fiancé and I got engaged. (I promise to share that story with you all soon!) It happened on a Thursday night, and we were in a training class all day long on Friday, so weren’t at the office the next day. We both work at the same place, so we’ve tried to keep our personal lives out of the office as much as possible. It’s almost impossible, but we try. The following Saturday night was our company Christmas party, and most people noticed the rockin’ engagement ring that I was newly sporting. I have to admit that I was proud to show it off and Mr. Cotton Candy was quick to keep introducing me around as his fiancé. (He really liked saying the word – too cute!)

But we didn’t go around to every single table. We didn’t make a point of talking about it unless the other person brought it up. And it’s not as if it was the only topic of conversation. There are over 100 employees at our location, so with spouses and all in attendance, there was plenty else to talk about. And to be perfectly honest, I didn’t seek out my old boss. The less that I have to talk to her, the better, and I counted myself lucky that I didn’t have to talk to her all night long.

So the other day in the office, my fiancé was making copies at the office and my old boss came right up to him. They made small talk for a minute and then she got around to congratulating him on our engagement. But being the B that she is, she didn’t just stop there. She had to be her true self and add on, “since I was the LAST one to find out” real snotty like. Now, if she had just said congratulations, no big deal and we’ll say thank you. But no, she had to let her true colors show. Seriously?!? You hate me that much?!? I don’t get it.

But my fiancé came to my rescue again. Not that he’s not nice like me and BFFL, he is. Totally. But he also doesn’t put up with crap like I will. So he turns around, looks her straight in the eye, and says something to the effect of that our personal business is our personal business. It wasn’t intentional for her to be the last to find out, but that it wasn’t like we went table to table at the Christmas party to announce it all to everyone. It’s our business bottom line.

She backed down. WAY down. Came back to him with a meek little “All I meant to say was congratulations.”

Did I forget to mention that he is a Marine? Big and tough and manly….intimidating when he’s upset….yeah, he’s all of those things. YEA ME!