Why I blog…

Someone asked me the other day why I choose to write about my experience as a bride. More importantly, why I feel the need to write about it all as a bride doing it all again. A first-time bride is understandable, since there is all this excitement and anticipation of the unknown coming at you. But for someone who’s already been there and done that…what’s the attraction? And why would people care?

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Well, it’s not a simple answer. There are several reasons why I blog. First and most importantly, I blog because I love it. I’ve always been somewhat creative and love having the outlet that blogging allows. It’s not necessarily that I think that what I have to say is so important, I’m confident and have LOADS of good self-esteem, but even I realize that my audience is small! But it doesn’t really matter to me if one person reads my blog or if 500 people read my blog. I don’t write for you guys, I write for me.

This keeps me sane. Yes, it’s a way for me to keep friends and family informed with what all is going on with the wedding planning process. This way I don’t have to make three phone calls to three Maids, plus one to Mama CC and one to FMIL…they can read the blog at their own pace and stay caught up with what’s in the works. I just love it when I talk to one of them and they bring up something that I wrote about…makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Yes, sometimes it gets confusing because I wait to talk about things until it’s posted on my blog, but that’s just me making things harder on myself!

Another reason that I do this is because I have really tried to connect with people in my same situation. Planning a second (or third) wedding is WAY different than planning your first wedding, and although there’s nothing wrong with first-time brides, there is often a different perspective that women doing this for a second time around have. And I look for that. I actively search for it. And I can tell you, it’s sort of hard to find. There’s just not that many of us out there being open and upfront about this whole process. It seems to be more “acceptable” to have a small, intimate second wedding, not to do the whole extravagant affair when it isn’t your first wedding. So if my posts can bring someone else some measure of comfort or a feeling of “I’m not alone in this!” to them, then I have accomplished what I set out to do.

And to be perfectly honest, it’s just not the same being a bride for the second time around. There are different issues that I face…things that I deal with that new brides don’t necessarily understand. Things like how your decisions affect people other than just you and your groom. Understanding that at times, there are just things that you cannot have in your wedding because it’s something that brings up painful memories. And being ok with your future spouse telling you that you can’t do this or that for that reason and not being all jealous-crazy-woman about it. Let’s face it, most “encore brides” are more mature, if not in age, then in experience. There are things that we’ve gone through and experienced that new brides haven’t.

We know what it’s like to have the one person that you thought that you could always count on let you down…and yes, it’s different than when a parent or friend lets you down. We know what it’s like to love someone with all your heart, but to understand in your head that it’s best to let them go. And we know when to admit that we made a mistake. With full knowledge of making the mistake at the time that we did it. And we still did it. So, we also know what it’s like to correct something like that, knowing that the other person doesn’t understand and probably never will. Living with that is sometimes hard.

So planning a wedding isn’t all happiness, hearts, flowers and butterflies all the time. It just isn’t. It can be, and there may be weeks in between each maudlin session that an “encore bride” might experience. For me, those moments are few and far between. I think that what makes the most difference is Mr. CC himself and how I am with him. I’m me, plain and simple. And he loves me. Doesn’t ask or expect me to be something/someone that I’m not. And that means the world to me.

Did you start a blog during an important event during your life? Was it helpful to you? Did you continue it even after the event was over? This is something that I’m starting to think about as my wedding day gets closer and closer…

Our Anniversary...

Today is a VERY special day. To me, at least. And probably to Mr. CC. I think that I’ve finally got him brainwashed, I mean, convinced that April 30th is our actual anniversary. Or, he’s just learning that it’s easier NOT to argue with me…LOL!

Yes, folks, today is our TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY of dating. So my post today is directed at one very special man…Mr. CC. Any man who is willing to be called Mr. Cotton Candy just HAS to be special! Or maybe that just goes to show how much he loves me? That's what I think.

There are so many things that I would like to say…I hope that I can do your love letters justice here, because you are SO good at writing me love emails…

First of all, I want to thank you for loving me. You honor me each and every day, in big ways and small ways. You shower me in love, the likes of which I never thought that I would personally experience. I met you at a time in my life when I had decided that I didn’t care if I stayed single forever, and I didn’t believe that true love actually happened in places other than books and movies. But you came into my life, first as a friend, someone to make me smile or laugh during a really difficult and emotional time after I had dissolved my previous marriage. You offered me nothing more, just a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, someone to help me laugh, someone that I could just be myself around, and you became so much more to me. But you became so much more. You became my best friend. I can’t imagine a day going by where you’re not the first person that I want to talk to (even when you hit snooze three times instead of getting out of bed!) or the first person that I want to share news with – good or bad.

From our very first date two years ago today, to the very first kiss, to our engagement and so many special moments along the way we’ve built our relationship to the point where we are now. You treasure me, you make me feel special, and you help me be the best person that I can be each and every day.

You allow me the freedom to just be myself. I think that I love that the most about us. Each of us are our own individuals, and we respect the similarities and differences between each of us, and love each other because of them or despite them, however you want to look at things. I’ve never just been ME when I’ve been in a relationship, and for the first time in my life, I’m able to do that. I can be a dork - I often crack myself up at my own jokes, stop in the middle of the store and start lip-synching the song playing over the loudspeakers and I know that instead of making fun of me for being that way that you’ll laugh along with me or you’ll be my back-up air guitarist without a word spoken to tell you to do that. That’s just how well we fit together.

I love that we laugh so much. We laugh ALL THE TIME. Everyday. In the past two years, I’ve never had so much fun in a relationship or laughed as much. Yes, there are fun days when you do things that are cool to do as a couple. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about rolling on the floor, clutching your sides because you have a stitch in them from laughing, or racing to the bathroom because you laughed so hard you’re afraid that you might pee your pants kind of laughing. That’s what we do. I like to think that we do that every single day; and it sounds untrue, but there are very few days that we don’t laugh like that. I love that we laugh in the car, we laugh while watching tv, we laugh while we’re being goofy at the store or when we hang out with the kids, and that we lay in bed and laugh with each other on a daily basis. I honestly can’t think of anyone that I have ever had this much fun with in my whole life. If laughter’s the best medicine, then we’re gonna live for a long time…that’s for sure.

I love that you want to be part of my life. You honor me with your ring and the promise of marriage. And I mean that - I am truly honored to accept your marriage proposal. I want to be a part of your life with your family and I know that you feel the same way about my life and my family. You want to be a step-father to my child, and you want to have more children, and the thought warms me from the inside out that we will build a family together. You put forth an honest effort to be involved in my life, getting to know my family and as many of my friends as you can (since they’re scattered over everywhere!) and you don’t realize how much this means to me. I feel so lucky.

You make it easy for me to love you. I just want good things for you. You just want good things for me. In that way, we balance out each other and compliment each other perfectly, never leaving one person doing all of the work or getting all of the rewards. I’ve always been the giver in my relationships in the past; never really knowing what it was like to be on the receiving end of that equation. Maybe that’s the secret to a good, healthy relationship, because I can honestly say that there have been very few, if any, days when I’ve felt like our relationship is hard work. It seems like such a simple solution to a complicated situation, but it works for us. You look after me, and I look after you, and neither of us is lacking for anything. That’s the way that it is, and I hope that it will always be between the two of us.

I can’t wait to start my life with you. I can’t wait to say the words “I do” in October. I can’t wait to have another child with you, if that’s in the cards. I can’t wait to grow old with you. With you by my side, I know that my life will be good. There will be love. There will be laughter. There will be good times, and probably some bad ones too, but you’ll be there for me during those times doing what you do to be my rock and support. You’re a good man. And I consider myself a lucky woman.

So here’s to another two years. And two more. And two more after those two. Two more years for the rest of my life…I love you.

The Night of the Engagement - Part II

(Sorry for the delay…things have been CRAZY with work – I clocked 65 hours last week…)

Continued from prior post…

He let me pick the restaurant, and we ate a good meal with a margarita at Chuy’s in South Austin. We walked back to the truck and when he opened the truck door for me, there was a huge box on my seat. We had talked about this gift earlier in the day, but I had thought that I had won the argument about the early Xmas present. Apparently I didn’t win.

After MUCH grumbling from yours truly, I proceeded to open the present. I tried to get into the truck and sit on the seat while holding the present on my lap. That wouldn’t work for my fiancé, he insisted that I use the seat as a table and stand with my back to him while opening the present. Looking back, with the knowledge of hindsight, I see that he needed my back to him to do what he was doing. So yeah, I open the present and it’s a camera printer that I had seen as Best Buy and wanted. YEA! I go to get into the truck – it was COLD outside! No, not yet. “Open it up and see if anything’s missing.” Because we were right there by Best Buy and could return it if anything was missing. Which prompted me to make the argument of how would I know if anything was missing since I didn’t have one. Yeah, call it the night for me to be difficult. I know. Believe me, I know. Anyway, back to the story.

So I open up the box, and being the true smart ass that I am, I pull out the cds and cables and say “yep, looks like it’s all here to me!” It was really cold and I just wanted to get inside again. My fiancé literally had to encourage me to take the printer out of the box to see how big it was. That’s when I saw the pictures. On the top of the printer, my fiancé had taped some pictures. The top one was a picture of my daughter that said “Will you” and underneath was a picture of his son holding a sign that said “Marry him?” Beneath that picture was a photo of my fiancé kneeling down beside his truck with the ring in the box holding it up to me. Shocked and surprised, I quickly turned around to look at my fiancé and completely looked over him. He was kneeling on the ground, just like in the picture, holding the ring up to me. He asked me in person this time, and I started crying.

And of course I said yes. Tearfully, joyfully and completely touched at the trouble that he had gone through to make the most perfect proposal to me. He apologized to me for not doing anything extravagant, but I was overwhelmed with the thoughtfulness of his proposal. To include our children, without having them actually there was the sweetest thing that he could have done. It was the best proposal that I could have ever imagine or dreamt up on my own. In fact, it was WAY better than anything that I could have dreamt up. It was perfect.

Now, it might not be perfect for everyone. But it was perfect for me. And that’s just one of the many reasons why I love him as much as I do. He takes the time to know me. To understand me. And he still wants to know more. He wants to do more for me each and every day. I’ve got to be the luckiest girl ever…

I’ve got the man of my dreams, and the marriage proposal that melted my heart…what more could a girl ask for? Not a thing. Not one single thing.